Legally numb

What Happened to Working For the Weekend

2011-04-03T08:41:00.000-05:00

Oy it's Sunday. I worked yesterday (a Saturday). I will work today (Sunday). And I feel sorry for myself. JUST KIDDING!!! I have a ton of work and that's a great thing. Getting it out on time is important, to maintain the reputation of a good worker.

Although I will be an IP lawyer, I perform a number of other legal services (HA, that sounds so prostitutional). Getting through some of these is difficult because of their first time nature. I have many first times. It would be nice to have a second and third so I feel like I know something. At a first-year training, I asked a partner about when we start "knowing" something. I get to look forward to 3 years of discombobulation.

One day I hope to have a hobby.

The Mother Ship

2011-03-30T20:12:00.000-06:00

I am in a fairly small office (approx. 20 attorneys). We have a big office in a different city about 2 hours from here. So periodically I climb into my trusty old American car and head on down the road. And there I find a magical place with soda fountains and other wondrous things. People pay for my lunch as if I was a still in law school, still to be wooed. And I get to look out over the city.

I am so very glad to work in a smaller office. I am sure there are good parts of working in such a large office, but I like my office. I like knowing the people. I like being able to get work from lots of different folks doing lots of different things (okay, ask me if I still like it on days I am bouncing from things I have no clue on). And I like that we are growing but the growth won't keep us from knowing each other.

Don't think I am some Pollyanna that requires working with "family." Nah. I just like seeing people I know. I like knowing who I can go to. I like knowing what people's attitudes are. I suppose I like creating a comfort zone. And I am getting pretty comfortable so let's hope they don't toss me out any time soon.

I thought I would have a huge problem becoming vegetarian. So far, not so much. The few times I have slipped, I pretty much was starving and then only ate a little. I can't get the images of the factory farms out of my head. I don't think I will ever be able to get those images out of my head. I don't mind eating meat. Everything eats something else. But I can't be part of the torture of animals. And no flames please. This is my opinion. And if I haven't said anything about it, I happened to watch a couple of documentaries on food about 2 months ago. I made the decision to stop eating meat. I am still eating eggs (get them from a local farmer) and cheese (I pay attention to the ingredients and origin - happy cows or goats). Vegetables are pretty good.

Goals for 2011

2011-03-26T19:32:00.000-06:00

I am going to confine my blogging here, where I don't feel constrained to always talk about weight and related shit.

1. Work is going well. I am spending a lot of time on corporate work, but am working into intellectual property. Anyone have any good tips on networking and building relationships with people? I am doing okay, but feel like I need to have a business plan for myself ("The MothaF*** Awesomeness that Is Me Business Plan). The people are still great. I haven't reached the stage where anyone throws off their mask showing the psychopath below (excuse me, I just finished reading Snakes in Suits)

2. The move has been good (except the husband is still not moved yet). I am in Alabama now. The winter...WAS...FREAKIN'...AWESOME!! Minnesota has tons of great things (well, and then there is MB, ew). But an Alabama winter is so lovely. I got snowed in with 3 inches of snow. Yes, fans, you read that right 3 f'ing inches. Heeehehehehe. So awesome. Okay, okay, the summer is the trade off. Weeks of over 100 degree weather. I love the backyard. The dog can run around out back now. No more getting geared up at 4 in the morning because the dog has the shits. Just open the back door.

3. I have a two new goals for the rest of 2011!!!! A 5K in May and a half marathon in October. Slow and steady. I can walk them if need be, but I am going to be much more active this year. Me bones es creaky and I am tired of it. Walking up stairs, if I am with someone, I will jabber about anything to cover the noise of my knees. Sounds like dice. First walk/run is tomorrow. Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am starting with 3 days. And 2 more days a week to get strong (well, okay, to be able to use a 5lb weight instead of a 1 lb, and throw in a few lunges and squats). And maybe some yoga for idiots since I am as flexible as a brick.

So do you folks know what a pain in the ass it is to keep up with the changes in the law. Every freakin' day I am hit with a new case I have to take into consideration. I say shenanigans...civil code people, civil code.

Peace out.

Passed the Patent Bar Exam

2011-03-23T19:07:00.000-06:00

And I am exhausted.

That Empty Feeling

2011-01-02T22:32:00.000-06:00

There are days I love my job and a few days when I wonder what the hell possessed me. Last week was really slow and then I got monstrously sick (the hurling kind). So this week was a not so lovefest. About three weeks ago it was a fabulous week.

Still slow, having a hard time getting through assignments. But I came across an interesting
word - Sprezzatura. It's an Italian word that means “to hide conscious effort and appear to accomplish difficult actions with casual nonchalance." The way to make an impression at work is to adopt the attitude of sprezzatura.

How do you do this? Making it look easy means over-prepping. Over-prepping in law is keeping up with case law after hours, reading the bulletins on the Federal Register (that, my friend, takes a chunk of time), and noting the types of assignments I am getting to create a master list of what is required for the repeaters (and keeping track of the unusuals too). In sum, to learn everything possible to be able to pull what I did a few weeks ago. In discussing a client and a patent application, I mentioned a program at the PTO the others were unfamiliar with. After some digging, I put together a way for the client to be a part of this program and the client liked it. Not bad for me, the slow one :)

Off to finish a really old assignment. Gack.

Working Through Molasses

2010-12-19T11:43:00.000-06:00

Is it possible to repair an impression?

I have found that I am slow. I take forever to get research done. It's a remnant from being a researcher and feeling the need to make sure all avenues are investigated. No one said anything, my hours are fine, but I heard a bit from a secondary source. And so I talked to a couple of people. And sure enough, there is a feeling that I take too long for research.

So now I have to repair my reputation. Is it possible to alter this impression? Any advice would be appreciated.

And I know I am a first year, all first year's are slow, etc. But this is beyond that. At least two people have told me that they were reticent about giving me a project (even though they did) because of the time I take.

Thanks.

What's there to say?

2010-12-09T20:30:00.000-06:00

I can't talk about the work except in generalities. I am tired most of the time and would prefer to sleep. And I am focusing on losing weight. And taking over the world. Or at least my corner of it.

Eventually, I am going to start posting again. Stay tuned.

Movies_Pshaw

2010-11-06T17:33:00.000-06:00

So how many of you have stopped going to movies, instead looking them up on The Movie Spoiler or Wikipedia? I have. My patience has recently undergone a vast reduction. I wasn't all that patient to begin with and now I can't even go for 2 hours in a movie theater unless there are tons of explosions (or animated..WTH?).

What has my life become? What next, 30-sec synopsis of TV shows? Reading the end of books first (yeah, okay I have done that)? Oh well, I would rather read the movie most of the time any way. I just saved myself from watching the entirety of "He's Just Not That Into You."

On the work front, I am learning that people make some initial assumptions about you when they find out you are an attorney. I am a complete science geek. I am interested in everyone's work and can think of nothing better than spending the day listening to a scientist talking about their research. When they find out you are an attorney, some get suspicious about motives. That's okay and not everyone is this way. I would say 1 out of 5 people I talk to are this way. And it's not a bad thing. They don't immediately kick me out or anything. It's just going to take a while for me to convince them that my first interest is their work. There business is secondary.

People have also been very kind as well. People I know I will not likely work with them have been really great.

Now to drop tons of weight and become an athlete. Almost every damn attorney in my office (and ALL the women, including the staff) is thin, healthy, and athletic. It's my own self-consciousness, but I would like to not be the odd man out.

English is beyond me today

2010-11-02T19:27:00.000-06:00

I must have spent over an hour reading a paragraph in a restrictive covenant. It wasn't even legalese. I couldn't focus.

So does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with focusing issues? I have moments like this and there are days I don't want to record billing because I am unsure if me attempting to relearn English qualifies as work for a client (kidding).

Sleep for a couple of days please

2010-10-31T18:19:00.000-06:00

I want to sleep for a few days. I am pathetic. I have been working for only 10 weeks (approximately). And I already want a long vacation weekend to sleep. I need more exercise.

Remember all those people yelling about nutrition and exercise, etc. It's especially important for a young associate.

And I have a neighborhood full of kids, but no trick-or-treaters yet (7:15). I bought gobs of candy so all of it is going to the office tomorrow.

The downside to this job

2010-10-30T16:48:00.001-05:00

I am working at home instead of going to a Halloween party. It's kind of my fault. I was so scattered last week that I am behind in a couple of things that I need to get out by Monday. So weekend working is the way to go.

Alternatively, I am in PJ's and not showering. So all is not lost.

Long hours makes me fat and pimply

2010-10-24T10:32:00.000-05:00

So those of you that know me or read this, know I am already overweight, well fat. But my weight had started going down over the summer. Now I am struggling to hold on to the loss and expand (subtract) on that. But my office is against me, they are all against me.

Candy in all the offices.

Doughnuts in the kitchen.

Pizza to help us get through the evening. Or sandwiches. Or chips. Or greasy Chinese.

I feel gross. I feel tired and not from overwork. I feel ick.

How do the attorneys in my office stay so trim, fit, clear-eyed, and well, clear skinned? How do they eat well and seem never to be all that tired?

And how is it that I can be this smart (don't laugh, my mom told me I was smart) and still eat crap, ignore exercise and ignore my health. That's the conundrum. When you look at the statistics, I should be thin, healthy and athletic. Well-educated combined with career choices. But nnnnnooooooo.

To work long hours, really put those hours in the billable column, I need to have a radical change in attitude. Your health is so important. And being older, I can't just function on adrenaline, coffee and cigarettes any more (no worries, I don't smoke any more).

And my skin looks like hell.

Yes, I am shallow. My skin bothers me more than the burgeoning heart attack.

What the hell is up with this mole?

2010-10-20T22:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, I really think that I am becoming a troll. A huge zit on my neck, my freakin' neck, on the side. My face is getting redder, blotchy. Broken blood vessels on my nose and cheeks. Dark circles. And now moles. One on my neck growing in leaps and bounds. Two just appeared on my jawline.

It's time that I sat my parents down and asked what the hell!!! I mean, why am I becoming a troll. Is it some bizarre pact they made with the devil to be comfortably middle-class. They really shot low.

I am having one of the ugliest days I have had in a long time. I think it's time to find a cosmetic dermatologist to do lots of things to my face and neck.

Why a Start-Up Company REALLY Needs Intellectual Property Advice From the Beginning

2010-10-02T09:13:00.000-05:00

The biggest surprise of being an attorney (I passed the bar, so I am an attorney now!!), which it shouldn't have been, is that people do not think of so many issues when it comes to their own businesses. My example is going to come from the inventor's perspective.

A person, scientist or engineer, develops a great idea, truly something revolutionary. They find the money, either from a private investor, a bank (HA!!), or family and friends. They put together a business, rent space, hire help, file taxes. And along the way they do not set up a way to actually protect their intellectual property. The issue is, they do not need to immediately file for patent protection. But they do need to figure out a way to keep things secret. And for academics they really need to NOT PUBLISH A PAPER on the issue.

There are ways they can do this. And if they would take a few minutes with an IP attorney, doesn't have to be a patent attorney, just someone that knows about licensing, employment contracts and nondisclosure agreements.

Okay, so if you are developing a new business you aren't usually flush with cash. I just wish that these folks understood that the money spent now could save them from basically losing everything later. The consequences of making mistakes at the beginning can lead to:

1. An employee taking your IP
2. An inability to get a patent
3. Reverse engineered out from under you (which is not illegal)

And the ultimate ending is that you are sitting there, having completed all the research and development, put in the sweat time, and you have bupkiss.

I have seen the results twice now and each time I almost want to cry. Just imagine for a minute what that person (and you) feels like coming into your office and you have to tell them that there is little you can do. It sucks a lot.

My 200th post...I didn't really think it would last

2010-09-15T20:25:00.000-05:00

I just noticed that this will be my 200th post. The problem is I have nothing profound to say. What I was planning on blogging about is whether or not I can take over the world in the next 30 years. I figure at 73 I am going to want to retire. I mean think of all the folks that have a head start.

I am starting small. I figure I can sew up this town in about 1.5 years. Now the state is going to be a little harder. But with a few allies, I believe that is another 7. Southeast - 15. Yeah, the world is unlikely. I suppose I will be happy with my corner of the universe.

Me, coming to a corner near you.

What to expect from being a first year associate...first 3 weeks

2010-09-08T20:57:00.000-05:00

Day 1 - oh god, no one is giving me work. So few people have stopped by to say hello, I must be going to be shoved out soon.

Day 2 - AAAAAAAAA, I totally f'ed up that motion, good lord, they are going to fire me.

Day 3 - Wut? Busy, busy busy

Day 4 through 19 - busy busy busy.

First weekend, at the office, panicking because I have no idea what I am doing. I have to be committing legal malpractice. Okay, they are actually reviewing everything, not just tossing me in. Oh wait, no one is telling me what I am doing wrong...wait, no really, you, wait up, what did I do wrong...all of it? Oh, okay. Thanks for the feedback.

Second weekend, in a complete coma on the couch, crap I really have work to do, I should get to that, dear god let me just nap.

First 2.5 weeks in a nutshell. I LOVE IT.

And you are never, ever going to hear me say I wish I was back in law school. I love this, I am learning and putting all this to work and really DOING something. I don't care how busy I am, this is oh so much better than school. Excuse me, I need sleep.

Holy Beejeesus

2010-09-04T14:47:00.000-05:00

Two weeks at work. Not at a huge law firm. Yet, this is my first weekend with some time.

Yay for work. Yay for a payday. Boo for not getting much time to move in. The house is still only partially unpacked.

Yay for having someone over for dinner tonight.

I am tired of having so little time to get things done. This will change once DH has relocated. I hope he won't be long.

More news to come.

SOOOOO LAZY

2010-08-07T08:04:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's one week since I returned from Bar land and I have been really lazy, given the whole "I gotta move in 10 days" issue. And our moves are usually difficult. I forget how long it takes to pack 4 rooms of books (around 100 boxes, give or take). I forget about the basement and garage until the night before (can I rely on that being the reminder). And I hate packing. But since I am at home during the day and DH is not, I am stuck with it. That or having a raging bonfire in the backyard that DH would totally freak over (though he would get over it).

But lazy is good. The one day that I spent doing absolutely nothing was divine. It started around 8:30 am (mmmm, 10 hours sleep), proceeded to the couch where numerous Netflix videos were consumed, and didn't end until 11 PM when I shuffled off to bed. The only time I was vertical was to get eats, drinks, and bathroom breaks. Wish I could do it again.

Today will be busy. It is 8 am and I have started culling books and clothes, etc. The rest of the day will be similar in fashion. BUT I will be having dinner with a wonderful friend that is in town for the weekend.

Ugg, I hate packing.

What happens after?

2010-08-06T21:28:00.001-05:00

I don't know if this blog will continue. I graduated, so it got me through law school. We will see what should happen now. All I know is I talked my DH into letting me get a Wii.

My dog farts

2010-08-03T09:23:00.000-05:00

My dog can clear a room in a nanosecond. I have been woken in the middle of the night attempting to crawl away from the awful smell. But usually, the farting is only now and then. NOW, it's all the time. He had an allergic reaction to something and then he got an infection from licking and scratching. So he is on Benedryl and an antibiotic. I don't know which medication is doing it, but he has been farting the raunchiest farts in all creation. It is so bad, as soon as he settles down to sleep, I put an air purifier next to him. Gaaahhhhh.

Just thought I would share.

In 14 days...

2010-07-30T23:49:00.000-05:00

I need to clean, dump extraneous clothes and other personal items, pack the entire house, get my SS card and passport, take the animals to the vet, have someone come in to do some repair work and look at putting in washer and dryer in the apartment, change our address for all our stuff (with exceptions), prep for the guy taking care of the house, take the car in for an overhaul, schedule a moving van and helpers, get boxes, clear out some of the garden, cut down the bushes in the back, rewrite the lease, say good-bye to friends, schedule new service in new town, sell some things on Craigslist (do I sell the giant elliptical that is really awesome but in a really awkward place...like the back of a VW), take books to be sold, start studying for the Patent Bar, get my hair cut/colored, drive two days with a UHaul, my car, and screaming freaked out animals, entertain and reject the idea of a mani/pedi, cook, lose weight, and walk on water.

All this and more in 14 days...14 glorious non-Barbri days. I plan to enjoy each and every moment in which I do not have to open a barbri book or listen to a lecture or flash cards at my face. I plan to have drinks in the middle of the day, while packing. Listen to loud music and dance around the house. I will hug my vet and say how glad I am that he is not a law prof. I am giddy, I tell you giddy. And if that f***ing exam f***'s this up by not passing me...well, needless to say I will be upset.

Is it terribly awful to say "needless to say?" I mean if it is needless, then it need not be said, right? So why use the phrase at all, because if you say it, more than likely, unless you are conversing with telepaths, it needed to be said, at least you needed to say it. Am I wrong about this?

How out of the loop am I? I just saw "It's Complicated" tonight. The netflix movie has been sitting on my shelf for about 2 months.

And it is over...for now

2010-07-28T19:40:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am excited to walk out of the exam and be done. But I have an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can already remember things that I should have included or confusing some things. AND WHY THE HELL DID I NOT KNOW RULE OF DUMPOR'S CASE. I seriously did not ever hear that rule, ever.

If I fail, that's okay. I am pretty sure my firm has a two-strikes rule (please, hopefully). And I at least have a good start (oh good lord, more studying, yeah that's all I need).

I just need the minimum, just the minimum.

Tomorrow, the Exam starts

2010-07-25T20:52:00.002-05:00

I have to admit, I have been doing a lot of weeping at odd moments this week. I don't like myself this way. But I am worried about passing. Yes, I know I can take it again in February. And I might not get fired from my firm if I fail (as long as I pass the second time around).

I just realize that I have so little recall right now. It's like everything is stuck in a doorway and nothing will come out. I just have to hope that over the next three days, something will give and every thing will come pouring out.

One last thing, for any one reading this at the 1 or 2L stage. Take Secured Transactions and Commercial Paper. Yes, Barbri teaches these, but it would have been a lot easier to have had a foundation. Family, Wills and Trusts are not difficult concepts, but yikes, I hate Commercial Paper.

Oh, and check your state's exam requirements. You may be lucky and they don't test ST or CP.

I feel so small right now.

One more before the bar

2010-07-19T12:35:00.000-05:00

I am studying furiously now (in wild and stormy manner). I converse on nothing except the bar exam. I am truly the most boring person on earth right now. I have told my DH to please not try to have conversations with me because I am only allowing 20 minute breaks for most things.

The bar exam and accompanied studying are only temporary, but a major difficulty is getting someone in your life to truly believe that it is temporary, you are not yourself, and what you need right at that moment may seem truly selfish. My DH was a little peeved that I took time (about an hour) to sit and watch TV before I went to sleep last night instead of talking to him. I didn't want to talk to him because that would require (1) interaction and energy and (2) me giving a crap right now about someone else. Yeah I know how that sounds, but when he starts in about his day, RIGHT NOW, I don't care. Two weeks from now I will care again.

So to all those people that have to be in contact with bar studiers, this is what you need to understand. Taking the bar is an entirely self-centered process. For 8-10 weeks, the person that you love, like, are friends with, will turn you down for most invitations, whether or not that bar taker takes time off or not. Please don't take offense and for f*** sake don't lump more stress on the bar taker by making them feel guilty. This is the only control a bar taker has, what they do with the precious few minutes they allow themselves during this time. For me, I just don't want to deal with any one else's shit, so I don't tend to interact with others (except DH and a few other bar takers). Please don't think I don't like you, it will go away in 2 weeks.

Yeah, that previous post on getting through panic

2010-07-18T08:36:00.000-05:00

Not so much. I am not in the fetal position, but DH turned on the TV last night (I study in the dining room which is open to the TV room) and you would have thought he just kicked my cat across the room. We compromised. He turned the sound down as far as he could without lip reading, I moved my chair so I couldn't see it and put in ear plugs. Oh happy day. I wish I could disable the damn thing.

So while I am not FREAKING, I am freaking.

And I am with NB, if one more person attempts to assure me that I will have no problem passing the bar exam I will yank their spine from their body ala Predator.

T-9 days

2010-07-17T16:34:00.000-05:00

Exactly 9 days from today I will be sitting in a large room with about 500 other people praying (me and everyone else. No atheists in foxholes or bar exams).

Just to apprise folks, I spent an evening freaking out. Nothing was working (breathing, exercise, etc), so I just went with it. I cried, muffled screams with a pillow, imagined the most horrible consequences of failing (right down to an ex yelling across a crowded room about how he heard I had failed my bar exam). And then I realized that all of this could happen and it really wouldn't be that awful. I mean it would be pretty bad if I failed, but (1) I can take it again and (2) really, failing a test has me in a fetal position.

I know I am rambling, but try to follow me here. I was sitting, rocking back and forth, when it simply dawned on me how ridiculous I was acting. Yes, it is stressful. Yes, I have days of unending studying. And yes, the wait will be excruciating. But I won't be in physical pain (except what I put myself in) and I won't die. It's paper. A test. Good lord, you would think I was in a war torn country with live fire all around me. I suppose what I am trying to say is, you make your own hell. I made it then I chose to walk out of it. Thanks Butterflyfish, I needed that!

How do you stop panic?

2010-07-14T16:44:00.000-05:00

By now, I expected to be doing better on Barbri tests. I have gotten worse. Where I was acing contracts, I am now lucky to get 2 in 5 right. Torts, yeah, not so good. I am terrified to try any more essays. I am at the point where I want to give up. Just say, I can't do this. I don't want to take this test and fail. I would rather, right now, simply give up.

What do you guys do to control this or at least vent it? I have tried meditation, exercise, and, yes, a drink. And the horrible and continued berating going on (you should have started sooner, you should have kept up better, you should have...).

12 more days, just 12 more days.

T-12 days

2010-07-14T10:33:00.000-05:00

The last days where the cramming begins. Studies show that the information within a 2-week period is the information that sticks the best. Memory obstacles = tired, stress, anxiety, and poor nutrition. Conditions during the last 2 weeks of bar review = tired, stressed, anxious, and eating crap.

Everyone I have seen over the last week looks exactly like me. Crazy eyes, slightly disheveled, hair slightly dirty, even though washed that day, comes from running your hands through hair all day. Some are worse (please dear god take a shower). Some seem to be handling it better (take a close look though...pens chewed, paper frayed).

T-12.

Life sucks, how are you?

2010-07-13T12:19:00.000-05:00

I am failing all my practice tests. I can't seem to remember anything from day to day. And I am within inches of a meltdown of epic proportions, which will likely be triggered in the grocery store, in my living room, or in another store of some kind. I think it will likely be public and I fear for the safety of any person that is confronted with a raging, crying, sobbing, psycho that I will become.

So, how's your day?

Bilski was a punt and other news

2010-07-08T18:44:00.003-05:00

The only real other news is that Barbri is horrible. I can stand it, though it at least has an end.

With other news, we have a house available in the place that I have my job. It's definitely a fixer upper, but I am looking forward to eventually doing that. I want a home that I can finally make my own. And I plan to change the hell out of this house. I have already, in my head, torn down walls, recreated rooms, bought new appliances, and redone the outside. I have even added windows. Well, it's more fun than Barbri.

Questionable Exam

2010-07-02T12:28:00.002-05:00

ARRRGGGG. Okay, I know it's no big deal, most folks fail the practice MBE. Yep, I did a stellar dive. Don't want to discuss it, not pretty, nothing to see here. That alters the next 3 weeks.

Anywhoo, I am driving to the city where I am taking the bar exam. People, especially husband, thinks I am insane. You see this drive is approximately 20 hours. Yes, you read that correctly.

Why drive? One main reason, flying makes me nervous in good times. But from one experience, I have found that if I am stressed out over something, flying becomes a nightmare. That wouldn't be a big deal on a nonstop or even a one-stop flight. But noooo, that would be right. Because of the limitations I have (my husband insisted that I use the free ticket), I would have to have 3 layovers. Yeah, idiotic.

AND I love to drive. I absolutely love it, getting out there, putting on some music or book on tape or even a Bar Bri lecture, I have fun on the road. And by making this one little change, drive instead of fly, I spend my days really looking forward to this trip! Took a lot of stress out of my days.

I am a foodie

2010-06-27T18:16:00.002-05:00

I love food porn. I watch tons of cooking shows. I love trying new restaurants. But THIS year, I am going to become the goddess in the kitchen. I have decided I need a hobby, something really constructive. I have tried a number of things that haven't stuck, but this year, definitely food. I mean I am obsessed with it in all aspects of my life, except in the kitchen.

Now once I move (soon to be discussed here), I will be limited in the whole cooking by being at my parents. They are sensitive to "strange smells." That's what they call anything that deviates from plain meat and boiled vegetable (is it becoming clear why I am a food freak?). So I have to compile a list of recipes that they will not object to, some things that taste fabulous while also being fairly innocuous. And I will be limited in kitchen stuff. I don't believe there has ever been a sharp knife in my mother's kitchen. Plus she has very little counter space (not a kitchen person, my mom). These are all things that can be overcome with a few purchases and a little ingenuity.

If anyone has suggestions on recipes for simply dishes, I would greatly appreciate it. This blog may remain legal in nature, but it is going to take on a decidedly food bent!

American Boot Strap Mentality

2010-06-23T15:51:00.003-05:00

I used to believe that we, as a society, really did have a independent, boot strap mentality. Until I really started listening to people. In the past 15 years, I have heard so-called independent people scream about postage being raised, even though the Postal Service is almost a privately held entity and it still costs less than 50 cents to send a letter.

It has really started bugging me because I am doing a project that I hope gets published about the agriculture sector. But it has involved speaking to a lot of people. Farmers, distributors, etc. And no matter who it is, a foodie or a farmer, every comment complaining about what someone else is doing is usually followed closely in the conversation about how they are not getting what they are entitled to. Uggg. And it is really beginning to piss me off. I don't claim to be a boot-strap person. Actually, I hope that as a society we can all give each other a hand (yea yea, very PollyAnna). In fact, I wish I saw more evidence of people simply talking with each other. There are a few people in my own family that I can't have more than a superficial conversation with because I am either a liberal commie or (get this) a fascist. I am all things.

I SWEAR - Real conversations
Me: I wish the Prez had come out sooner about the Gulf oil spill. It just seems like he ignored it.
Cuz: What, because he's black, he's incompetent.
Me: Umm, what does his race have to do with anything?

Me: I like a lot of the health care reform package, though I would like to see a public option.
Cuz2: Really? And I suppose you would like to see everyone getting a three month vacation too.
Me: Um, what does that have to do with healthcare?

And don't even get me started about the Grandma that watches Fox News morning to midnight. She has gone batshit crazy. "Hello" is now a communist socialist plot as she yells about keeping your filthy socialist hands off her Medicare. Family get-togethers have become a minefield.

Anywhoo, I was just thinking about this, rather than beginning the next lecture in the Barbri series.

Which is worse?

2010-06-14T20:27:00.002-05:00

A cold during Barbri or changing eating habits? The cold has mostly gone away. That's right 2 weeks later, I still have congestion, cough, and fatigue. Not bad, but enough to exert itself.

But I also think that I part of the fatigue (and every website, doc, etc seems to agree) is the fact that I eat a lot of junk. And I mean a lot. So I decided to do something about that part. Problem? Yes, indeed. All I can think about is cake...birthday cake with butter cream frosting. Or chocolate cake. Or red velvet cake. And cookies, chocolate chip cookies. Or peanut butter cookies. Because I am trying to drop sugar and white flour and processed foods. Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on Property when visions of sweets are flying around in your head.

Thank you very much. I am going back into Barbri.

Day 9 of WoM (war of mucus)

2010-06-02T22:04:00.002-05:00

This thing has decided to move in, settle down, rearrange the furniture, toss some stuff, then throw some rowdy parties. Rattling, whistling, noises I am completely unfamiliar. Please let the party be over. If the coughing would just let me sleep for more than an hour or two at a time, I could break out of the molasses.

Barbri lectures are not absorbing. I assume it's the cold.

What's worse than BarBri?

2010-05-30T19:27:00.002-05:00

Barbri with a wicked cold. Mucus flowing, hacking cough, fever, sneezing, head feeling 20 times larger than normal. I have been in bed for 5 days now, trying to watch the preview week for Barbri on iTouch. I am thankful that AL is a week behind MN. I am not really behind, but I don't know how much of this I have actually absorbed.

I cannot believe that I can get sick at the worst possible moment.

Starting Barbri

2010-05-26T13:36:00.002-05:00

Good lord, this is boring. And the tangents...this could be half the time. Oh, and the platitude "everyone learns differently" is driving me up a tree. Go over the damn answers, discuss the analysis, and point to the elements. Shut up, shut up, shut up about your kids, your thoughts, your babbling random thoughts.

Hopefully will be posting more info on taking Barbri with the mobile upload. You know, the one you can only take on an iTouch or iPhone. The one they charge another few hundred dollars for and afterwards tells you about the lectures streaming on the web. Okay, so I am a little bitter right now. Outrageous tuition, fees for taking the bar, fees for even graduating (we can't even get cap and gowns for free by paying more than 30K a year?), and fees associated with everything. Top it off with a house we need to get rid of at some point which will be for much less than we purchased it for plus moving expenses, etc.

I am actually really glad that I have to study for the bar right now. It makes everything seem much further away.

DONE

2010-05-20T09:12:00.001-05:00

And that's all I got to say for now.

NOW I'm panicked?

2010-04-30T15:15:00.003-05:00

Okay, I go all semester with an increasing amount of 3L-itis, the whocares. And now, a week before exams I start to panic? HAHAHA, got ya! Nah. Still can't shake this feeling that in the universe, me doing only okay on my last exams is only marginally above me having perfect nails.

Every now and then, I will have a pang, a twinge, a slight pinch in the heart region. There is something I should be concerned about...now, what is it. Oh yeah, I haven't read for most of my classes most of the semester (slight exaggeration, but without exaggeration, this world would be a truly boring place). Oh yeah, I haven't outlined (that one is true), guess I should pick up a commercial or bug people who have taken this class.

Because, you see class, I checked out. I was afraid this would happen, that I would blow the chance to make a significant dent in my final GPA. I just stopped caring when I hit second semester. It was like I was on a numbing agent the entire time (nope, not even alcohol this semester). Many of my classes were interesting, but when it got time to crack open a book, Lost was on or Glee was starting back. Dinner out with my husband was far more interesting. Dinner watching an old movie, yep I'm there. Going for walks and hitting state parks, yep, count me in.

So you see, I am tired of it all and I just can't dredge up any fear of the unknown any more. Maybe that's what law school gives you, absence of fear. I am tired of being afraid. I hope this carries me through my first few years of work.

All good things come to an end...

2010-04-22T17:20:00.002-05:00

and, thank the gods, so do the bad ones.

No, the blog isn't going away just yet. But I am about to finish law school. That's right, three years of belly-aching, whining, and just plain bitchin' and my reward? A little ole diploma. And if I pass the bar and patent bar, I will be an official lawyer, someone who counsels in the law. If I don't I will have a very expensive mistake on my hands.

Whew, didn't think I was going to make it at times. It's not that the classes were uber hard. It was the mind-numbing avalanche of it. It was soooo much at times. One day, contemplating my books and handouts in front of me, I realized that I had to read (if I, indeed, read it all) over 300 pages for one day (okay, that was a long day and the one class with 162 pages of briefs was the bitter pill). But 300 pages.

And then there was the whole ego crushing thing. I had to realize that (1) I wasn't dumb because my grades were lower than some (okay, most at one time) and (2) it is possible to get a job without law review, competition moot court or other accolades on my resume (okay, I also had the advantage of having a Ph.D.). That literally took 2 years and a job offer to overcome. I am not sure how much I admitted on this blog and to others, but there were times I thought I must be a complete moron. I will be open here and say, with a mite embarrassment, that on those days, I took out my publications from science and my Ph.D. diploma to look at and remind myself, hey, I ain't stoopid.

But the worst part of the whole experience had to be the doubt each day about whether I would even like working as a lawyer. I would bounce along, feelin' fine, when some jackass of an attorney would speak at a student function and either explicitly or implicitly bitch about their job. The hours, the billing, the clients, whatever. And then it would hit me...would I like it and what the hell was I supposed to do if I didn't. I could go back to academics, but not without practically defaulting on loans (unlike other 2nd career folks I have met, I did not just step away from a lucrative job). And then I would imagine my husband, looking at me with disappointment, even horror, in his eyes as I tried to explain that the last 1 year (2 years, 2.5 years) were a complete mistake and yes I know we owe the equivalent of a mortgage now, but I CAN'T DO IT.

What kept me going? My husband's undying love and support, the other bloggers who brightened my day (even if it was just a misery loves company thing), my animals, the people in my class, and stubbornness.

To start with the last one, I believe many people in law school finish out of stubbornness. What else could it be? Part of the puzzle is in evidence after your 1st year (how is my GPA? lousy. hmm). Another piece is evident based on having spent time listening to attorneys (yikes, that sounds really boring). But you push through and start 2nd year thinking, well I don't really know what it would be like as a lawyer. And then, I think people just start gutting it out. I know so many that when asked what kind of law they wanted to do, the answer was invariably, "the one that pays." And that's a HUGE problem. Think of it this way. In graduate school, science or humanities, you get to specialize in what interests you. You can pursue the marketable (some do) but most simply choose their passion and hope for the best. In medicine, it's similar, though I don't have any idea how much money influences most of the students. But in law school, the whole experience is ass-backward. You come in knowing very little about the law (most do). You take the same classes the first year. Then you are given little guidance as to what real law is like. I would love to see a 1-hour first year course entitled "The Law." It would be pass/fail. Each week, attorneys would come in to class from different areas of the law and students would be mock associates (schedule light reading prior to each week for that particular subject). During the time, you would run through an average day. Etc.

Anywhoo. Almost done.

Unplug?

2010-03-27T15:51:00.001-06:00

I am seriously considering unplugging from everything. I spend most of my day now incensed about something. Keeping up on events, etc, seems to add little to my life.

So quick...Fashion FAIL

2010-03-12T09:38:00.003-06:00

My hair is growing out because I don't want to pay for a haircut. When at my cubicle, it gets in my eyes so I use paperclips and black clip things to hold it back. Well, it seems I was setting a new fashion statement in class all day Tuesday. I had two paper clips in my hair.

Fashion - Here I come

2010-03-03T21:24:00.000-06:00

Ready or not.

I have contacts now. And they are so nice. Like, I can't even feel them. Step one, complete.

Cue the music...Today I start walking the dog in the pm

2010-03-02T07:57:00.002-06:00

My husband has had enough. And because I am doing less reading (and work overall) for classes and have time to, well, do nothing for part of the evening, he has handed the reins (leash) over to me.

You look confused. Ah, why would this be a big deal? Well, mainly because my husband believes in the dog pull until he is choking and your arm is falling off style of dog-walking. This will lead to a couple of events. The first that will happen is that I will be pulled down at some point. It always happens. There will be a steady stream of foul language and much beating of the dog (not really, but my forehead will ignite my hair because I want to take my frustrations out on the dog). Then there will be the half-assed training that will at least keep me from having joint separation in the upper appendages. It basically consists of me yelling "loose leash" while standing still and the dog on 2 legs, upper body raised, desperately trying to go forward. After 10-15 minutes of this he will realize that I am walking him (the bitch) instead of husband and that I am serious about not moving until he acts right.

I volunteered for this. I did notice the hubby has been pretty frazzled at night. And after three years of doing most things pet related (as well as errand and bill paying related, toss in a little laundry and housecleaning) he needs to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Since I start work in August, I am not going to tell him that it's an on-coming train.

Bad days are outnumbering good

2010-03-01T12:25:00.003-06:00

Yikes. I am having a lot of bad days. Just when I get to the point where I think I am not so tired, I start flagging by 2 o'clock. Fatigue is not simply the craving for sleep, it's that dragging feeling that saps your motivation to do ANYTHING, even fun things. And if not dealt with, it can easily begin to morph into depression. Luckily, I usually can avoid that.

Fatigue is a weird thing. You think to yourself, I just need a little more sleep. But then after a night where I was actually able to get almost 10 hours, I am still fuzzy in the brain.

Most fatigue can be fixed fairly simply. Causes include poor nutrition, little exercise, or stress. You have to hope it's one of these, because if it's an underlying medical problem, doctors will be chasing their tails trying to find the cause. Medical conditions can be anything, from as simple as an underlying infection to something far more serious and difficult to find, like MS.

Well, I can't go to my doctor. She has not been exactly helpful. Any time I have mentioned fatigue, all she says is, You are getting old, You are in law school, It's normal. Even though the one time she acquiesced to me getting blood work, turns out it was an underlying infection. Antibiotics...10 days later...Felt so much better.

So the first step is to get back to decent eating. Nutrition, fit in the 5 vegies and 2 fruits, etc.

Ugg, hopefully this week will get better.

Friends

2010-02-24T20:58:00.004-06:00

Over the past week, I have been reconnecting people from my past, friends and family, due to a tragedy that occurred (not using this term lightly). And it's a little disconcerting that it took this event to get in touch with these folks.

I thought to myself a million times that I should call X. Now I won't be able to do that. I don't want to make this mistake again. And it seems that everyone I knew back then feel the same way. We have been calling, FBing, and making plans to get together.

So the moral to this story, don't put off making contact with the people important in your life. I am having difficulty writing this without sounding overly-sentimental or trite. But after this, if the result was more connections and, quite frankly, more caring, then, well, it wouldn't be a complete tragedy. Sorry, I just don't have much of a way with words.

1L grades

2010-02-22T09:29:00.002-06:00

I hate it when 1L grades come out. The plaza gets quiet and people look scared. It's demoralizing to see so many vibrant individuals buy that grades are the end all, be all. I wish there was a way to make grades go away. I suppose that's impossible for most schools, how else would we rank you and make you feel bad about yourself (or good, depending on where you fall in the curve).

On another note, I have to control my spending. I think my hubbie is about to blow a gasket on our money issues. It's a terrible thing when I think I deserve that $5 coffee because of how hard I am working. Time to rethink my priorities.

Oh God, It's That Time...0L

2010-02-20T11:20:00.002-06:00

I just say this over at Dennis'. Yep, it's time for the next crop of idiots to start looking at the different schools and weighing their options for law school.

I have a couple of things to add. And yeah, this is completely unsolicited advice. One is specifically for second career folks.

1. I don't care how smart you think you are and I don't care what you think about how you are going to do. Someone is in the top 10% and everyone else in the other 90%. Odds are not in your favor. Good luck.

2. Where you go is sort of important. But most of the people I know were hired not based on where they went to school. And before someone out there starts correcting me, I know people from a number of schools, including Texas, Harvard, and Stanford. And it's all anecdotal anyway. The only guarantee is a Supreme Court clerk. Sure, there are exceptions, but THEY are EXCEPTIONS.

3. As to #2, if you are going to a third or fourth tier, you are not likely to go into BigLaw. Yeah, it's stupid, but true. I have numerous contacts at 3rd and 4th tier students that graduated 2 years ago without a job. And they still don't have one.

4. The job market sucks. And I don't mean normal sucks, I mean top 10%, Law Review folks not getting jobs. And the worst part is that even with a summer position, it's no longer a guarantee for anything. I know too many people that did not get an offer because no summer clerk got an offer. Or because the firm knew it was only offering to a small percentage. Guess what you get to do for the third year? Yeah, sucks.

5. The pay is going down, not up. Yeah, you read that right. Many firms are freezing raises, eliminating paying for bar prep courses and other bar stuff, and lowering starting salary. Yeah, there are a couple of people that will get that crazy 160K. But even that might go away.

6. Stop listening to the idiots that say "A Law degree is highly marketable in other careers." Bullshit. Would you hire someone that could potentially leave once the legal job market got better? Or how about wondering if this person with the JD is going to actually have the skills you need? Or wondering if you will have to pay more? It's idiocy. Career services and others trot out a few examples of people that did something other than law. But I have worked before and know a number of second career folks and people outside of law. They all laugh at this. And if you add up all the debt, unless you have a great scholarship, whatever you are going to start at, money wise, is unlikely to give you much breathing room.

7. And that brings us to debt. It's a ton. And unless you are making over 70K (break even for the debt) when you graduate, it's simply not worth it. Especially with the attrition rate. You work for 5 years and then quit, then it's really not worth it.

8. Last, but not least, if you are second career and think anyone is going to give you credit for your previous career, forget it. If you have connections, great. But the actual work that you did does not equate well to law, I really don't care what it is. And for you scientists, yeah, Ph.D. is great, but not that great.

Bitter? Not really. I am only trying to say what no one told me before doing this. You are going to ignore it any way. God, you poor, poor souls.

No sense of fashion what so ever

2010-02-19T21:03:00.002-06:00

I should have been an engineer. I have absolutely no sense of fashion...or dressing myself in a way that says "hey, I give a crap about what I wear." Even when I am trying to express that. Even when I try, something is always missing. I had to have a second set of my makeup at work because I would completely forget to put it on in the morning. Or accessories of any kind. I got the suit down, sort of. I grabbed the wrong jacket one day. Yeah, dressing disasters happen to me all the time. Especially stains. My DH banned white pants and tried shirts for me. I actually attract spaghetti sauce, even when there appears to be none in the vicinity.

And yet, through the '80s I could really put a neon outfit together. Very into makeup, accessories. WHAT HAPPENED??? I am sitting in my living room in my zip-up, old man sweater with the pockets, jeans that don't fit (like fall down baggy, where did I get these?), and a t-shirt that has seen better days. I WORE THIS TO SCHOOL. GACK, I am feeling that there really is no hope. I need serious professional help.

Opinions

2010-02-13T17:52:00.003-06:00

Would you assume that you know more about a particular subject than the person next to you, even though though the person next to you once had a career in that subject and the most that you have done is read maybe a few articles or an opinion piece?

I try to shut up when I know the person that just corrected me has a LOT more experience in the area than I do. I would suggest others do the same.

Thanks, But No Thanks reminded me why I hate some classes

2010-02-11T10:31:00.003-06:00

This post at Thanks, But No Thanks, reminded me that I have become a complete curmudgeon.

Here is why: I am tired of everyone's opinion. I know, I know. Civil discourse leads to bright lights, or something to that effect. But I am so tired of everyone's opinion. Yo, bleeding heart, yes, people are oppressed. But babbling about it over and over with no discussion of how to deal with the problem in a way that isn't "here, let's give over complete control to the oppressed for a while and see what happens" isn't a solution. Why? Because you are never getting that one by the oppressor. May be a good idea, I have no idea. But can we at least shine the light of practicality over your head for a bit.

And you, Republican die-hard conservative that believes your lily-white ass is the oppressed, I got news for you, no. Tell me about all of your experiences of being followed in a store by security or having your bag searched because they suspected you. Or how about even just the amount of time the police/ambulance took to get to your home. Oh wait, you are just pissed that there is a thing called minority scholarships. You didn't raise a fuss over legacies. You didn't freak out when supposedly neutral golf scholarships were available (undergrad..the photo board looked exactly like you would think, Tiger Woods or no Tiger Woods). And stop your bitchin' because according to your predictions, pretty soon you are going to be in the minority and will be able to take advantage of said scholarship.

Oh, and you..."That Kid." Read one more passage out of the book and I will throw mine at you. Guess what, I may not look athletic, but I have always had a helluva arm. And stop asking me theory Q's after class. (Pointing at self) 3L...DON'T CARE about your take on things. You may be bright, but since you seem to only care about the sound of your voice, no speeky the english.

Wow, I can't believe that came out. I thought I was amused in my class by the goings-on. Apparently, I have been very very pissed off for about 5 weeks. Huh, who knew.

In Our Long Struggle...We Cannot Forget The Right To Go Shoeless

2010-02-06T17:43:00.002-06:00

I was thinking about this the other day. It came up because I am always amazed at someone that goes barefoot in winter. I do not have the same reaction as other. It doesn't bother me. I just keep thinking "brrrrrr." It probably doesn't bother me b/c I actually hate shoes. I couldn't wait for summer for when I could ditch the shoes. Now I rather like shoes. I don't wear the ones I really like because I would kill myself in them (falling, etc).

But I digress. I found, while meandering on the internet, this interesting appellate case affirming summary judgment for the defendant.

Essentially, Pl sued for being tossed out of a library for being barefoot. His argument at the appellate level is that this was a violation of his 1st, 9th, and 14th Amendment rights (the least laughable was the at the ban was a violation of the right to receive information). This case went from a state court, removed to federal district court, and then to an appellate court. Because the guy wanted to go barefoot in a library. Does anyone else think this might have been a waste of the court's time? Please tell me that I am wrong on this one, but I can't believe the guy wasn't fined for wasting time and money.

I do find interesting things on the internet when I am supposed to be studying.

No Matter What...My psyche will take a beating

2010-02-04T18:46:00.002-06:00

I am trying to write an entry about a situation that is really taking a toll on my confidence and self-esteem, worth even. But I am having a difficult time doing so in a way that doesn't make it obvious what I am talking about. Suffice it to say, I am in a situation that is in the past but is still haunting me through emails. And in this email back and forth, I feel like the bad guy in every which way possible. Yes, I am partly responsible for the situation. I should have asked questions sooner, I should have expressly warned certain players that I can be extremely slow sometimes. I may not have put my all (or a ton) into said situation, but I did this thing, project, if you will, and now I am done. Only I am not done. Because I keep getting emails. The person emailing is not a bad person, only a dissatisfied person.

So here I am in my head and this is what I hear:

You should have worked harder, much harder.
You did a piss-poor job.
You never finish anything.
You will always disappoint everyone.

These are the voices that have caused me to withdraw from a lot of things. I just don't want to disappoint others and myself any more.

What the voices (really, not schizophrenic) never say is evidence to the contrary. Papers have been published, degrees got, orders completed, papers done, grades of a complete nature, projects finished. But even as I write these things, there are counters to each and every one. Would you all just shut up.

Over the next few months I am going to adopt the techniques from Taming Your Gremlin. I want to get rid of these voices that keep me from being a whole person. Today's technique (and one that will take a while to master) is the just notice the gremlin. It's a basic separation technique. The gremlin (or voices) are not me. They are a composite of every thought, outside person's judgment, etc, I have seen in my life. The REAL me would acknowledge, accept and learn from: (1) I did not do my best, (2) but I did what I could, (3) I learned that I do not juggle so many things well and should have said so immediately, (4) I learn very slowly when things are done in small chunks spaced apart, and (5) another person's opinion of me is just that person's opinion.

Calvin and Hobbes

2010-02-02T18:21:00.001-06:00

I still miss that damn cartoon.

Punxsutawney Phil Hates Me

2010-02-02T17:46:00.002-06:00

As for my feelings on winter, see other post. Suffice it to say, that little bastard has condemned me to another 6 weeks of freezing cold weather, slick sidewalks, idiots that think b/c they drive a four-wheel drive vehicle can speed through icy streets, and staying indoors.

You see, I was once a woman who loved to go outside. I will walk for hours when the spirit so moves me. Hike, even. The spirit, however, does not tend to move me here. It's winter so long that I can't remember why I liked the outdoors in the first place. And I have noticed another thing. When I am in southern or western states (told ya' we moved around a lot), I slim down while there (well, not slim, but at least less corpulent). I have been in the north for a combined total of 11 years and I blame this place for every freakin' pound that I have packed on.

Enough is enough. Come August, I will pack my bags, head to a southern state, and commence my walkin'. I want to roast in 100 degree weather and 90% humidity. I want to get used to the house being at 85 degrees in the summer and call that cool. I want to bask in the frying pan like qualities of my steering wheel when I get in my car. I want to, for 3 months out of the year, hear "Hot enough for ya?" instead of "Cold enough for ya?" These things are my God-Given Rights as an American (cue the music)...

Criminal Minds

2010-01-31T20:40:00.001-06:00

I have seen this episode a million times. Yet I would rather watch this than read for Legislation. Does that make me lazy? Not really. I like to look at it more as saving my sanity.

Self involvement, but still battling negativity

2010-01-28T14:48:00.002-06:00

I really don't want this blog to turn into an angsty struggle with my demons. But there are days when negative thoughts simply overwhelm me (or anyone for that matter). And I hope that I can turn it around, maybe by putting it out for others to see (good lord, is that the brightest thing I have ever done?).

I need to be able to handle stress. And stress triggers all the guilt, shame, and self-criticism that can really send me into a tailspin. I have so many regrets; people I have hurt, choices I have made. The incident, itself, is likely small, probably forgotten by others. But for me, it inflates until I am portrayed in my mind as a monster.

What I never focus on are the kind acts I have done. Or the progress I have made. Or the things I have accomplished. Oh no, those things are nothing, any one could do them, it was all luck...look at all these negative things, these surely outweigh the positive.

And I notice that negative thoughts really can get hold when I am eating junk food. From this, I assume that nutrition may impact my moods (duh). But now I really want a Big Mac. And tired mixed with stress = really negative. So of course, I want to stay up and watch tv when I am not studying for the flippin' patent bar. Oh, and then there is the whole dehydration thing.

Recipe for happiness = give myself a break + breathe through the yelling in my head + whole nutritious food + water, lots of water + sleep + physical exercise.

Hmmm, sounds so simply. Just get through it.

Winter, winter, winter

2010-01-26T12:40:00.002-06:00

Many years ago, after moving from the south, I got to see my first major snow storm. My fascination with snow ended with it. People tell me "Get outside, take up a snow-related sport, you will love it."

Downhill skiing - not rich enough and not close enough to any real skiing to make the effort.

Cross-country skiing - went around in a circle for a while. Meh.

Broom ball - terrified of all the really good players. They will take you out.

Ice skating - ironically, I kind of like it, but only when it's inside.

Hockey - see broom ball.

Curling - can't get over the laugh factor on that one.

Snowshoeing - I think I will just wait until Spring to go hiking.

Okay, so I am a complainer. I am sure that given enough time and effort, one of these would end up being a winter must have. But since my future winters (after this one) will be in the "OMG it's cold...at 40 degrees" I have run out of time. So I will spend the rest of my winter walking very slowly through snow and ice, praying I don't fall yet again, cursing the weather, feeling righteous in my cursing the weather, and refuse to have anything to do with snow unless it involves a free trip to Aspen or Tahoe. Just wait until I start bitching about the heat. I am real good at that.

My reflections...only my reflections

2010-01-23T21:20:00.002-06:00

I love that Cindy McCain stood up for gay rights. Civil rights are not a party issue. The right for two people who love each other to bind their union is a basic right, in my opinion. The only good thing, again in my opinion, that Dick Cheney ever said was his support for marriage for gay couples. And I was angry the day that Obama said that marriage was for a man and a woman.

It is hard for me to listen to politicians. The rhetoric and empty phrases makes me pull out my hair. And then the whole legislative process, grand standing, creation of complicated bills, and the sloppy logic sickens me.

I am not a Democrat or a Republican. I believe that government should have to balance its budget. I believe that waste of any kind, when it comes to taxpayers money, should be gleaned from any budget measures. I believe that education, health care and social services should be given much greater funding than currently. I believe that the states should have control on spending the money for these programs and the freedom to be as creative as possible because of the different demographics.

This is what I want. An efficiently run government where budgets are audited, bills are closely monitored for crap, and there exist people in politics that care about something more than their hair and reelection. I want to see more community involvement in social problems. I want people to understand that every child that is failed by the educational system is a problem for ALL of us. I want parents held accountable and teachers given the freedom to be as creative as needed to educate children. I want people to understand that everything is connected, that when your neighbor goes bankrupt because of medical bills and has his/her home foreclosed, guess who's property values are going to go down. I want people to realize that the farmer that sprays the crap out of his/her land because that's the way it's done creates water problems for everyone else. I want people to realize that run away budgets in government causes other countries to become nervous about the stability of our economy potentially leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy. I want people to realize that when unions negotiate for everything they can get without thinking about the survival of the company and, therefore, the survival of jobs, that affects everyone. I want people to realize that no accountability in corporations and corporate boardrooms leads to an "I am God" complex, which leads to all kinds of crap. And I would love for people to understand that alternative energy is a damn good thing if it means we never, ever have to be dependent on foreign oil again.

I WANT TO SEE OPTIONS PRIOR TO COLLAPSE RATHER THAN REACTIONS TO COLLAPSE.

I am just angry. Angry that the teabaggers have simplified all of the arguments to the point of being completely ridiculous. Angry that Pelosi doesn't seem interested in talking about health care in real terms. Angry that the Republicans are refusing to offer real solutions and instead point fingers at the Democrats. That even with a majority, the Democrats are still a bunch of whiny people that can't seem to stay on point.

And now I am disillusioned.

No pictures yet...but wanna hear about the MPEP?

2010-01-22T15:07:00.003-06:00

Panic is beginning to set in.

On another note, I am feeling depressed, fat, ugly, and like a complete failure. This to shall pass. And I know it will pass faster if I exercise, meditate, and work on visualization. All of which is very hard for me because none of that is habit yet.

On another note, I dropped all of my potentially fun classes.

Never mind, I will try blogging again tomorrow. See if I might have better outlook.

Yeah, yeah, the cliche...The last first day...

2010-01-19T09:34:00.003-06:00

and it's cloudy, really overcast. Portends or just winter?

Finished a job. So not working a lot this semester outside of school and Patent Bar review (please don't fail, please don't fail). Unfortunately, I panicked and piled on last minute classes. But three are going to be really fun (trial practice, pretrial and a seminar). I hear the seminar is sitting around, having a beer and listening to attorneys in the field talk about different subjects. Yep, my kind of class.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Now it's just a matter of waiting out the rest of the semester and get on with the bar.

My big excitement is an attempt to photo-document every day for the rest of my time in Minnesota. That's going to be interesting...Here's my carrel, here's the tv, here's my office, here's my classroom...yeah, you understand. I see you smirking out there. Well I will try to put together something a little more interesting than a collage of my television watching.

Love to all...I'm feeling touchie feelie today, but not in a litigious or illegal way.

Dilettante?

2010-01-12T15:09:00.003-06:00

English major - lab technician - Ph.D. in science - Postdoctoral positions from biogeochemistry to molecular - Law school.

Am I a dilettante? One definition that hurts - an amateur who engages in an activity without serious intentions and who pretends to have knowledge. Am I a pretender?

Or does my head just yell at me to much about other things.

Where is my focus?

Over the next few weeks, I have to study my butt off for the Patent Bar, but after that, I would like to really delve into what my passion is. Or if I just need to find passion in what I am doing right now.

One week from today will be the last first day of school

2010-01-11T19:00:00.002-06:00

YAY!!!!

In 15 weeks this will all be a bad dream. I will be working after that (well after the bar). We will be moving. And we will start settling in to the last place I hope to ever live (I have moved around a lot in the last decade). And we will be near family, which will be nice.

Yay!!!

Hallelujah!!! Saints be praised.

Moving all rants on weight to here...

2010-01-11T08:57:00.002-06:00

http://getmoreweighless.blogspot.com/

I have decided to stop posting my weight stuff on this blog. My goal is to not only lose the weight, but run a 5K, then a 10K, then a half-marathon, then ***A MARATHON***.

As for law school news, we start back in one week. I hate the Patent Bar. And I can't wait to graduate.

That whole weight thing...

2010-01-09T14:16:00.002-06:00

I got up early on a Saturday and went to my first Weight Watcher's meeting. Every Saturday from now on (yes, I realize I will miss a few), I will be heading to the WW mt and then taking a really long walk (the place is where it is really nice to walk).

So I feel like I got something done today that benefited me, not just some vague sense that in the future this will be helpful (Patent Bar).

I have a feeling I am going to have difficulty tracking food and exercise. My plan is to use my iTouch for something more helpful than simply being pretty.

Ah, only numerous pounds to go, but at least I went.

Of course, now my head is screaming at me that I have to lose it all before I start my firm job. Without major surgery that is fairly impossible unless I suddenly embrace the feeling of hunger. Please don't let this voice in my head ruin things. I hate that voice. It's always "don't you remember every other time you have failed at..." Weight loss, careers, relationships. That voice never shuts up and it can make the most minor mistakes seem the most catastrophic. And what it does with really huge failures is no less than a masterpiece. If that voice would shut up, my life would be so much better. It whispers to me, right now, that it is there to keep me from failing. That if it wasn't there, I would never do anything. That's a set of lies I believed for a long time. But now, I see that every time I fail, it has more to do with agreeing with that voice than my own efforts.

Just a little psych for all two that read this. Remember, you can be 42 and still have all of the anxiety and angst of a 12 year old.

Oh yeah and

2010-01-04T11:21:00.002-06:00

it's two weeks before classes start and only one class has released its syllabus and book list. So once again, the profs don't give a shit that textbooks are a million bucks a book that could be purchased cheaper with enough time prior to classes beginning. Gotta love it. Especially since most of them will reuse the same syllabus from last semester or last year.

Patent Bar Exam

2010-01-04T11:07:00.002-06:00

Blah...I take the PTO Feb 18. If I fail, I can take it again. Thank goodness, because I am not doing to well on the practice exams.

I will be studying my butt off until then. But, oh boy, listening to these lectures is like watching syrup pour, very slowly from a bottle. And you are strapped to a chair, forced to watch every last drop to escape. And then there is this long strand of syrup that is completely indecisive...well, you get the idea.

I am cleaning out the pantry

2010-01-01T16:08:00.003-06:00

I am having a bit of a problem getting started on eating clean. The problem is two-fold. I want to eat out all the time. And I haven't really made enough of an effort to cook. So in order for this to work, I guess I am going to have to nut-up, clean house, and cook.

I really want to do this.

And we are doing it on $75/week. That should be plenty of money, but that is the budget. If I can get it below $50/week, that would be awesome. But we are starting at the high end and eventually getting to the lower number.

So

(1) Budget and (2) clean foods.

Goal for the New Year - Slow Food, Good Food

2009-12-29T16:51:00.002-06:00

I have watched Food, Inc and read Fast Food Nation. I am on to Michael Pollan's many books as well. And I know another person that is striving to eat "clean." (no634.net). I am making the choice to pay a little more at the store as well as venture out into other places (Mississippi Market, Farmer's markets, local farmers). I do not kid myself, this takes planning, effort, a little more money, and a lot more time. But I am doing it for a number of reasons.

Many moons ago, I was a strict vegan, then a lacto-ovo vegetarian, then I started eating meat again. I LOVE meat. But I don't want to contribute to the factory produced meat market currently around. Even if I didn't weep every time I think of those cows, pigs, and chickens, I wonder why people are not up in arms over the pollution and disease stemming from this style of "farming."

Let's talk about pollution first. The first part is simple. Concentrated animal area = TONS of POOP. TONS of POOP = bad water, bad air. Dooky levels at these places are so high that the air in some areas of the farm can't be safely breathed, too much hydrogen sulfide. Gaseous hydrogen sulfide scars lung tissue and can even cause asphyxiation. Scarred lung tissue leads to further troubles, such as increased exposure to disease including bronchitis, pneumonia, and even lung fungal infections.

Poop in my water, not okay. Poop in really tiny amounts is everywhere. Can't be helped, because as the book says Everybody (or in this case everything) poops. But poop from these farms are stored in lagoons. Yep, they have doo-doo lagoons. Can you see yourself sippin' a Mai Thai on a beach chair next to one of those. EWWWW. And those lagoons do not stay there. Spillage is a frequent occurrence because they are so full the poop actually pushes down the earth embankment. What happens next is usually pretty bad. Fish kills, river and stream contamination, and ground water contamination. Poop in my water.

Now the other pollution. Grain is grown for these animals. Grain uses water and fertilizer, plus other chemicals. Even if you didn't care about water, those other chemicals and fertilizer are mainly washed away. So more stuff in my water. I could go on, but you get the picture.

Now let's tackle disease. Commonly recognized foodborne infections are caused by the bacteria Campylobacter, Salmonella, and E. coli O157:H7, and by a group of viruses called calicivirus, also known as the Norwalk and Norwalk-like viruses. The bacterial infections cause diarhea and other symptoms. Each can cause death. E. coli is usually considered fairly benign. But this lovely creature releases Shiga toxins that can produce all kinds of problems. Thinking of taking an antibiotic to get rid of it? Not so fast. A quick kill can release ALL the Shiga toxins. In up to 5% of people, it causes hemolytic uremic syndrome (HUS). This severe complication includes temporary anemia, profuse bleeding, and kidney failure. For more information, check out the CDC. And factory eggs are at a greater risk for Salmonella than organic eggs.

But I am ultimately doing it because I eat crap any more (hamburger is quite literally partly crap). I want to be able to eat something and know exactly where it came from and be able to pronounce all of the ingredients. I also want to live my values.

Crisis at Christmas

2009-12-27T17:58:00.003-06:00

My dad had emergency surgery the day before Christmas. He is fine now, but what a way to usher in Christmas. Needless to say, I have done nothing after finals ended last Tuesday. Because of this I am going to have to double-time it next week to get a few things done.

Studying for the PTO - need to get on the ball on this one. The test is scheduled for February 18. Supposedly, I should be studying for at least 15 hours a week, but I lost about 3 weeks for papers, work, etc. So the next 52 days are going to be very, very full. I want to pass the first time around with no trouble. So beginning tomorrow, for three weeks, I am putting in about 35 hours a week on PTO, then 4.5 weeks of at least 20 hours a week. Basically, I need 2 weeks for taking practice exams. Q's are repeated, so that should help A LOT.

Work - I have fallen way behind at work and need to get back on it. Plus I am adding another job, potentially. We are broke and could definitely use the money. And the semester shouldn't be too bad.

Exercise, nutrition - get back on the exercise, nutrition bandwagon.

Have some fun over break, I know I am going to fit some in.

It's beginning to look a lot like...FINALS

2009-12-09T12:16:00.003-06:00

And I am attempting to muster up some caring. I feel like I should care. I mean, I am paying a huge amount of money to be here, so I should care, right? That's the way many people here look at it. Or the ones that are still under the spell of law, still care for the idea of justice and law.

Me? I am just counting down the days until this is over (at least today I am). I don't care about the theory of law or the grand idea behind it. I just want to get out and start working. I haven't felt this adrift since the last educational foray. I think fall semester is simply like that. Spring semester is close to something. Close to volunteering for the summer (1L), working for a potential job (2L), or graduation. But fall semester feels like there is an eternity between now and my goal. So much time between now and summer. Even so much time between now and taking the Patent Bar in February.

What is it about this time of year? Is it winter? Snow, cold and darkness? Or is it something else? I wish I could be philosophical or even poetic. But right now, this waiting game just sucks. It's not exams, it's the FUTURE. That slow road to completion.

Doing my best to prop up 2L grades

2009-12-05T21:21:00.002-06:00

In one week, I will have 2 exams. I have downloaded or begged outlines from folks. And that's the extent of my exam preparation. I would like all 2L's in my classes to send chocolates to my carrel. I am taking a bullet for you guys and hope you truly appreciate the sacrifices I am making. For instance, tonight, instead of spending time studying and outlining, I am watching Hot Fuzz on Comedy Central. One of my favorite movies. Yep, my sacrifices should be rewarded.

So to all 2L's out there, fear not. Most of the 3L's in your classes do not give a crap any more.

Happy, happy, joy, joy

2009-11-25T19:57:00.002-06:00

I am thankful that I don't care any more. I am thankful that I am not that poor 1L that had a meltdown in the library. I am thankful that I am not cooking anything for Thanksgiving and instead having lunch at a neighborhood bar. I am thankful that my cats are total loons and incredibly entertaining. I am thankful that I had enough money this month to send the dog to the sitter. I am thankful that we got a fantastic deal on a weekend stay at an awesome hotel.

I hope everyone out there has things to be thankful about.

Employment numbers - Law School Edition

2009-11-20T08:29:00.002-06:00

There is no where that you can find the break down of employment numbers from universities (that I can find). I cannot believe that I didn't look at this prior to going to law school. I merely looked at the employment rate and thought "gee, that's pretty good." Oye, what an idiot! So bartenders count? Yep. How about housecleaning? Yep. Anything that you are being paid for counts as employment. Isn't this skirting the edge of fraud? I mean, when people look at these numbers, aren't they assuming that it's LEGAL employment? Shouldn't there be a warning label of some kind?

What can be done?

Is it possible

2009-11-19T16:00:00.002-06:00

that I am just not going to be happy until I graduate? I think that's the issue. I need to get out and get back to the workforce. I think the three years of not going to work is wearing on me. I know that there are numerous unprofessional people in the "real world." But I can handle that. Working around people is fairly easy. Adapting to others is also fairly easy. What I hate is the competition that is meaningless. Okay, some may say that I hate school because I wasn't as successful as others. And on some days, I believe that. But then I look back to when I did well in school (Ph.D., etc.). I hated school then.

I can't wait to get out. And if ANYONE ever suggests that I go back to school, I am going to hit them.

So much for the Happy Post

2009-11-17T14:05:00.003-06:00

Crap, crap, crap, crap. Everything is happening so quickly. And because my emotions seem to be right on the surface, I am oscillating between happy and sad in split second increments...

Accepted to take the Patent Bar Exam...Happy

Having to study for the Patent Bar Exam...Sad

Hearing that we might get help on buying a house in new state...Happy

Hearing that this is not set in stone and not really "real"...Sad

Hearing that houses in neighborhood are selling quickly...Happy

Hearing the prices the houses are selling for...Sad

Hubby finding jobs in new state to apply for...Happy

Hubby deciding that he has to stay here for a while b/c of house...Sad

Get assignment done...Happy

Realizing write-up is, well, crap...Sad

Mix it all together and what do you get? A 42 yo, 3L that is about to burst into tears at the slightest provocation. So much for me being tough...or happy...hell, or sane.

The Happy Post

2009-11-15T10:59:00.002-06:00

I walked the dog for almost an hour this morning and feel good. It always amazing (yes, I am a slow learner) to me when exercise can cause a distinct shift in attitude.

So today is the Happy Post (or Grateful post):

1. I got my oil changed, radiator flushed, and window wipers replaced yesterday. Non-squeaky wipers - happy.

2. We went to my favorite Indian place last night and the service didn't suck - very happy.

3. I made dining reservations for our Thanksgiving weekend extravaganza - giddy.

4. Law school doesn't seem so daunting today. I still have 2 major papers and multiple exams to contend with but I feel better about the stuff I am doing. One of the papers is important to me. The other is starting to seem much more interesting. And I see myself improving in another class. Happy.

5. I started Weight Watcher's and weighed in at less than I thought I would - ecstatic. I ate healthy for most of yesterday and started today with a bowl of oatmeal - feeling good.

All in all not a bad week. Rough start because my black moods are intrusive and overwhelming. But I am using cognitive therapy techniques to readjust my thinking. For instance, I had fat dreams all last night (people laughing and making rude comments). I have these sometimes and wake up feeling very low. But today, I threw off the covers, put on sweats, got the dog and walked for a long time. Cleared the head.

To all those out there that are struggling with negative feelings stemming from LS, I don't have any good advice. It's all been said. But I hope that you can find something that will get you through this. From now until graduation, I am going to try (I said try, dammit) to keep a more positive spin. Mom always said to fake it and maybe it would happen.

The Misery of Law School_What does it say about our choices?

2009-11-12T12:21:00.002-06:00

I know that I am tired of LS. And I could point to a thousand problems with the way LS is run, from career services to fostering negative competition (I don't care what they say). Added to that, I am tired, bitter, and a little cynical about the whole experience. And I am not alone, given the recent spate of blogs discussing this topic. So what does this say about our choice to go to LS.

I'll admit it, I question my choice to go to LS almost everyday. I know numerous second career folks that do the same thing. We look back on the career we had and suddenly it seems bright, beautiful, interesting, and heaven. To counter this, I have developed a set of index cards that includes every reason I left my last job. It helps on the regret. But what it doesn't do is create reasons to love LS.

Is this simply November? Exams around the corner, projects coming due, work still there, Bar stuff, PTO exam, and on and on. Is it simply that the work never seems to end? What causes people to begin to hate that thing they thought was so precious? And, ultimately, is there something that we, as students, can do about it. I am flummoxed. I try to exercise, sometimes eat right, keep this journal, etc. But most of the time, it still doesn't work.

And then we fall into wondering "If I hate it now, will I hate being a lawyer?" Do feelings in LS transfer to the actual career? If you begin to think about going in a different direction, is that legitimate? For some that struggled with the decision to go to LS or grad school, that seems definitely legitimate. But, take me, for example. I spent all summer after my first year creating a business plan for a cafe (there is this awesome building in my neighborhoods). Is that a legitimate new direction? Yeah, not likely. But a lovely fantasy to engage in when I am in Tax.

Most Awesomest Birthday Present Ever!

2009-11-10T13:50:00.001-06:00

Over the bday weekend, I did nothing except take the MPRE, study, and write parts of a paper that I have been putting off...well, forever. I then asked my husband for a tiny birthday present. He says to me "Sure, go ahead."

So for MY birthday, I am getting a cleaning service in on the day before Thanksgiving to clean my house AND steam clean my carpets. Sing it with me "I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight."

Right this moment, I would scoff at luxury vacations and diamonds. My birthday present is, without a doubt, the most awesomest ever! Not to gloat or anything :)

Hitting me that I am amost done

2009-11-08T13:39:00.002-06:00

It was the MPRE that did it. I could fail and take it again in March, but the taking of it marked a passage into lawyerhood. I will be judged as ethically enough. The funny thing is, if I fail, it's because I am too ethical (thinking I must do something when I only have the option to do it).

Thank you MPRE for helping me realize that one day soon I will be a real attorney. Now my thoughts are consumed not with up-coming finals or projects, but rather with client meetings, moving into a new house and office, getting up for work instead of school, and all of the other things I look forward to instead of studying. The closest thing I remember from my last profession was defending my proposal during third year of grad school. This is way better. This is definite mark. No more, if. It's now officially in my head of when.

It's a shame that these tests don't come earlier in one's schooling. Because, for me, it creates a sense of relief. I am in law school, but it is a finite time. In second year, if I had been able to take the MPRE earlier (maybe I could have), then I would have felt that everything was more concrete, much less esoteric. That may not matter for some, but after spending so much time agonizing over whether I made the right decision, a little concreteness would have helped.

So to all those out there that have this step out of the way (theoretically), let's celebrate the milestone. We are so close to being finished and for our "lives" to begin, that we can now see the finish line. I will miss law school and the fact that my decisions on hypos affect no one. But I won't miss the constant second-guessing my decision or wondering if I should take a course or worrying about impressing my profs. I will be a "Real Man of Genius."T

Eating my own words

2009-11-07T18:53:00.002-06:00

I guess Sunday all day is out of the question. So instead, we scheduled a 3 day weekend vacation for Thanksgiving weekend. Until then, I will work so I have that 3 days.

On Beating Burnout

2009-11-04T15:26:00.003-06:00

Yes, it's that time of the semester kiddies!! The time when every deadline looms near and the minor freakouts come more frequently. Burnout is the unfortunate result in most cases.

What is burnout? Burnout is both mental and physical exhaustion that leads to very bad things. It begins with a dragging feeling, although that indicates you are well into burnout phase. Work seems bigger, more onerous. Soon, everything, even pleasurable events, are harder, both physically and mentally, to get through. You put things off, things take longer than usual, you wake up feeling tired no matter how much sleep you had, and, ultimately, you begin to feel defeated or even hopeless.

If you don't think you have ever experienced burnout or think it won't happen to you, check your mental responses. See how tired you are day to day. Get 8 hours of sleep a few nights in a row and see how you feel when you wake up.

I am obsessed with recognizing burnout. I spent years in my last career in burnout mode. It took me weeks to get out data for something that should have taken days. Months for weeks...you get it. And I didn't recognize it until my first year of law school. I thought I was just slower than everyone else. Truth was, I was exhausted. So my first summer, I took about a month and did absolutely nothing. And slowly I came back. I still have to monitor myself, but I am much better at recognizing the signs.

Luckily for you (and me), Fearfully Optimistic has provided a link to short-circuiting burnout. And if you don't think it's important, numerous studies show that burnout has a huge effect on GPA. If a person is not mentally prepared during the exam, that person is going to miss things. Go ahead, ask me how much my grades improved after taking time off. Yeah, they were second year classes, but they all had a stiff curve.

So as I see myself beginning to slow down on work, taking 2 hours for writing one page instead of an hour, etc, I know it's time to do something that seems absolutely inconceivable to the average law student. I will cut back. This Saturday is the MPRE. So Sunday I will stay home and relax. Yeah, I will have to come roaring back on Monday. But because of Sunday, I will come back!

Coffee shops

2009-11-03T08:09:00.002-06:00

I love coffee shops. I love coffee. But unlike every other person I know, I can't work/study in a coffee shop. It sucks. But I get way to distracted by everything going on around me.

1. Heavenly Daze - too intense. The law students there are simply far too studious. The groups really study, they aren't gossiping about anything. So I can't concentrate because the people around me are intensely talking about cases from first year. No thanks.

2. Starbucks (anywhere, but especially Barnes and Noble) - too many "writers." They sit at their table, surrounded by books they will never buy, periodically tapping away at their laptops. And they are writing. Sort of. Then they look up to check out the crowd. Okay, I am completely cynical. I assume they are checking to see if anyone is watching them write. Can't concentrate there because I am making up conversations ("Oh, yes, this new novel is about the death of man, death of society." "Really, sounds fascinating. My new character arc is taking me so many new places.") I know, I am catty. They are probably good people trying to break into an impossible field. But my thoughts are far more fun than Tax.

3. Wilde Roast - all time favorite place. Great food, fantastic coffee, and fun conversations to listen to. That group is discussing biofuels and organizing a new symposium. That group is discussing human rights issues and gay marriage (eck, I want to interject a legal argument. that's how crappy my thought processes are). That group just came out of the bookstore next door with an armload of homosexual erotica and are now critiquing it. How can anyone ever read through Tax with that in the background.

And I can't even study with music. So I resort to earplugs and then folks look at me weird because I have these huge orange things sticking out of my ears.

Call it anything you want...I got senioritis.

2009-11-01T18:41:00.002-06:00

I laughed when I heard 3L's talk about it. Seems silly right? We are all grown-ups here?

But I try to put in the hours and I find myself staring at this stuff thinking, I am never going to use this (I know that now) so why do I care so much. Is it noble to study for the pleasure of learning? I am winning zero nobility awards.

Back to Tax. Yeah, right. What's on Hulu?

What's wrong with me that I don't get Twilight?

2009-10-30T09:47:00.002-06:00

I devoured Harry Potter books and movies. I love fantasy, vampires and angst. But the Twilight series is a boondoggle to me. I thought it might be because I am older than the target audience (outside of puberty ). But it turns out most of the women I know my age and older looovvveee the series. So what am I missing?

I thought maybe the movie would speak to me where the book couldn't. Nope. I felt that the movie was all angst and no vampire. I mean the whole "I love you, I can't have you" stuff was the movie. It just so happened to be vampires in the movie.

And now I get this odd woman left behind feeling. I feel like I SHOULD like them. Which, of course, given my contrary nature leads to me disliking them more. Maybe I should go back and read the first one again. Or maybe I should give up. I don't have to be on every bandwagon!

The application to the bar

2009-10-28T10:45:00.003-06:00

An application to a state bar is a lot more complicated and time-consuming than I ever would have imagined. You have to turn over your entire life. Now for someone just out of undergrad, this may also be time consuming. But 18 years after undergraduate, having also moved extensively due to work, this becomes almost an insurmountable problem.

So what goes into a bar application? And what are all of the parts just to get to the bar?

1. Character and Fitness forms. Luckily, the state I am applying takes the National Conference of Bar Examiners' form. So at least one of the forms is in a localized place.
a. Addresses - finding those can be a huge pain. But there are ways, including research sites on the web.
b. Traffic tickets - I know I have 2, one over 10 years ago and 1 over 20 years ago. I am almost certain which states for each. And that is as far as I have gotten.
c. Then there is the education list, the work list, etc. The part-time jobs I had in college are going to be difficult because at least 3 of those are no longer in business and I have no idea what the names were.
d. The time...just a lot of time to sit down and do it.

2. Affadavit of why I didn't apply prior to 390 days of being in law school. Do they accept...I didn't have a job in that state and had no idea that it was even possible? It also must be notarized so that is one more step.

3. Dean Certification from the Law school. Got to get it in to the Dean prior to January. Though they will obviously not fill it out until graduation.

4. The Student registration forms

5. The Bar registration forms

Basically, I am getting confused on which forms I have to fill out, how I am going to find all the information I need, etc.

Breathe...just breathe

I hate repeating myself

2009-10-27T11:00:00.002-06:00

BUT the f'ing library is for QUIET. Not just quiet in the stacks, but shut up in the study rooms, the offices, etc. I don't want to hear your damn phone conversations, your hyena laughter, or your gossip. I don't want to always be THAT person, shushing everyone the hell up. Show some damn respect for the people around you.

This is just bullshit.

But other than that, I am having a great day. Smile and the world smiles with you. Scowl and everyone leaves you the hell alone.

I may come back and delete this.

If law school is rough, what will change with being an attorney

2009-10-23T09:41:00.003-05:00

Hopefully everything.

A small group gathered for lunch recently. The discussion began like this.

S: I can't get everything done that I need to do. (Pause and a weird look) What the hell am I going to do when I am actually a lawyer?

E: Crap, don't think about it.

And the subject was changed.

But in that question is one that haunts many law students. If we are so freakin' busy now, what happens afterwards? Every attorney who brings this up says "Wait until you are actually in practice." That's supposed to be helpful. Or calming?

To stop worrying so much, I asked a few lawyers how things are different and how to prepare or at least have the right mind-set. Hear is a summary of what they said:

1. Start becoming organized NOW. Even if it's the last month of your third year work on creating an organizational scheme that works for you.

2. Related - do only what works for you. I specifically sought out an ADHD attorney to discuss this, in particular. Basically, you can't shoehorn yourself into another person's organizational scheme. So if the tips from one book fail you, keep looking. And look for what you have done right in the past. For me, it's complete silence. No music, nothing. And, unfortunately, it's also taking my medication everyday like clockwork (I forget).

3. As much as I don't want to admit it, exercise, nutrition, and down time are all very important. I don't want to admit it because I would rather eat MickyD's, never take another stair as long as I live, and work until I drop. But this year I have decided that this is not working for me.

4. Realize that being an attorney is different. I know that sounds like a stupid, duh statement, but many law students have no real clue what they will be doing on a day to day basis. Instead of reading cases for class, you have to find only a couple on point and hope you haven't missed something big. Also, you are much more time limited. Some even said to take advantage of Westlaw and Lexis training seminars on effective research. One quote: "I don't care how on point a case is if it took the associate 15 hours to find it. That's time I can't possibly bill to the client."

5. Stop listening to the attorneys that babble on and on about how being an attorney is harder than being a law student. Many of the associates I spoke with said these folks are just in that mindset of wanting to go back to when the work didn't matter. Working 60-80 hours a week for a grade is a lot less terrifying than working 60-80 hours a week knowing that your mistake could cost people their money or, worse, their freedom. Dramatic, yes. True, yes.

So the next time you are sitting around talking about the workload and hoping you aren't going to drown think of (1) you are still in school, so stop it; and (2) as one professor put it "stop worrying. I mean really, look at all the idiots out there in practice, you'll be fine."*

So there.

* That is a quote from a professor, NOT MY WORDS.

How to avoid insanity in law school?

2009-10-21T12:16:00.002-05:00

Get food poisoning. Or stomach flu. Not sure what it was but it sure did the trick. Not only am I no longer reveling in self-pity but I actually looked forward to being able to read this afternoon. Yep, nothing like a good, ole fashion virus that makes you wish for death to remind you how good you have it when you don't have to spend the majority of your day booting up the linings of your intestines (and what ever miscellaneous organs that come loose in the process). Honestly, it's rainy, damp, cold, dark, I have a thousand things to do, will never finish everything today and STILL feel like dancing a happy dance around the library and its poor, perspective-denied inhabitants.

On the other hand, I wish I had time to laze in bed for "recovery." Ah, but we can't have everything, can we.

Bwaaahhhhaaaaa

2009-10-20T13:30:00.002-05:00

Come on, add more. I don't care!!! I am insane!!!! I spend my days curled under my carrel praying no one finds me. I mumble imaginary answers to the MPRE. Tax codes are inked on my skin. Evidence rules get yelled out at the most inopportune times. And I laugh maniacally as I send in my application to take the Patent exam.

I want (1) a straight-jacket; (2) padded cell; and (3) all the time in the world to contemplate the floor.

Happy mid-semester everyone!!

Adding more stuff

2009-10-16T14:55:00.002-05:00

I know, I know. Everyone is busy. And I am NOT bitching, really.

So I got a part-time job. It's wonderful because it is right up my alley science-wise. Though they want me for the law research, they liked me because of my background. Basically, I won't have a problem deciphering what the scientists are talking about. And I get to leave the law school a couple of times a week to work some where else (added bonus).

But then today, with everything that I planned to do...I felt utterly drained. It's 3 and my neck/back is stiff from sitting in a carrel for a couple of days staring at whatever. I feel like my brains are pudding. So I thought to myself, let's take tomorrow completely off. No cooking, no cleaning, no school, nothing. Most importantly, no freakin' 5 am alarm (that's another insane story).

REALLY?

No go. Tomorrow, I get to spend 4 hours in a BarBri class learning ALL about the MPRE.

Oh, and here I was thinking I'm still young. My doc is sending me to a freaking cardiac clinic. WTF? When did I get old? I swear I am just going to start using a walker. I caught myself the other day telling my husband to hurry and we might make the early-bird special. I am vastly ashamed of myself. Therefore, I must find a young woman to switch bodies with. This will require switching to worshiping the devil, but hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Adding one more thing

2009-10-11T14:31:00.002-05:00

I want to get through a number of things over the next 4.5 months.

1. MPRE

2. Patent Bar Exam

3. Papers...ugg, papers

4. Working, hopefully.

Oh, yeah and classes. I know I am missing something because a moment ago I was freaking out over getting everything done. Oh, yeah, Bar crap. Including BarBri stuff.

Mediterranean Diet...HOW on my schedule?

2009-10-09T16:09:00.002-05:00

Maybe someone out there can answer this for me or point me in the right direction. I have made amends with working much of the time. I barely clean my house enough to satisfy me (and I am no neat freak). We have a difficult time getting out to do just about anything that takes more than an hour or two. We divide the errands because it is more efficient that way.

And I desperately want to cook the "Mediterranean" way, but where the hell am I supposed to find the time to do this. First, to do this is basically retraining myself on cooking. Right now, cooking for the week is done on Saturday and usually involves a large piece of meat put in the crockpot with assorted spices to try to make it a little different from the last piece of meat cooked last week. Then I move on to a soup or stew. Granted, that falls under the mediterranean diet, sometimes, because one of the easiest things in the world to cook is lentil soup. But fresh fruit and vegies. Maybe an apple and banana, but everything else tends to go bad. And don't get me started on vegetables. We buy fresh, then we toss rotten vegies in the garbage. And I have no idea how to cook fish. Plus the fish at the grocery store is gross. I would have to add another stop to my week by going to Whole Foods to get decent fish.

AGGG...the universe is conspiring against me.

Should absolutely not be awake

2009-10-08T00:12:00.002-05:00

But I am. Insomnia crops up at the most inconvenient times.

So I am exercising much more, but I am also eating constantly. I feel hungry all the time, which is new. But I hope that calms down soon. Maybe if I move the eating around, like eating in the am (usually makes me ill, but could try it). Other than that, I have dropped a little weight.

And Ashley got robbed on Top Chef. That's all I have to say about that.

I still love Depeche Mode, especially Black Celebration.

Crap, I have to get up at 5:30 and it's almost 12:30. It's not going to be pretty in the morning.

A Suit Does Not Cover BO

2009-10-05T13:06:00.002-05:00

Walking down the stairs behind a well-dressed young man. Slight hints of odor. Wondering if I didn't shower properly. Then get close to young man and realize "good god, he has bad BO." Hm. I then begin thinking: Is it a genetic problem that can't be resolved? Did he forget deodorant? He looks clean, sort of. I suppose the hair looks a little greasy.

Moral to the story. TAKE A SHOWER. Or multiple. A nice suit does not mask BO.

Made the first step to complete a long overlooked project

2009-10-02T15:11:00.001-05:00

It's just an email, but it's a a start. Goal date - October 30, 2009.
First goal, the email, completed.
Second goal completed Friday Oct. 9, 2009.

I am boring

2009-10-02T12:20:00.002-05:00

Just read a post at Virgin in the Volcano. And I realize, I have become soooo boring. For instance, my husband and I have "date night." Every Friday we do something together and we try not to let anything interfere with it. Tonight, we are having dinner at home and watching a movie. I LOVE our date night. I look forward to it every week. This week, I said that I would stop by a party. My husband said it was okay. But I can't do it. I love the person throwing the party, but I just can't break date night. So, I have decided that I am okay with being boring and living vicariously through Virgin and no634. I don't need to go out when I can read their adventures. So PLEASE keep having adventures for all of us!

Procrastination strikes again

2009-10-01T15:52:00.002-05:00

I want so much to get over this. Set deadlines...stop work. No deadlines...work. AAAAARRRRRHGGGGGG!!!!!

How do you write a paper?

2009-09-30T15:42:00.003-05:00

This question has bugged me for a very long time. You see, I used to basically write for a living. I wrote a Master's thesis, a doctoral dissertation, multiple articles, lecture notes and tests, and even opinion pieces. Then I get to law school. And on my very first writing assignment, I am told that I am not a good writer...Really.

What happened after that is not supposed to happen to someone that has already made her bones in another field. I froze. I could not write. I would procrastinate to the point of all nighter's. Anything to avoid writing! Now, I have a paper that I HAVE TO COMPLETE. Not only that, I have to have it done by the end of October. Doable - you betcha. Doable by me - that's more in doubt. I am honestly considering signing up with a writing coach. A writing coach is someone that you report to on a daily or weekly basis. Many people sign up for one when they get stuck on the dissertation. I always thought it was hooey.

What kind of problems do you have? How do you get going? And what kinds of bribes do you use?

Exercise...It's the right thing to do, and a tasty way to do it

2009-09-25T13:48:00.002-05:00

Starting the new and improved schedule. Getting up at 5 am to work out. Starting weight - very heavy. First goal? 10 lbs. Timeline: First goal by October 24.

Today I went to the dentist. Have you ever heard of scaling and planing under the gum line? I hadn't. I will ALWAYS floss from now on.

Any interesting class bits? I need to start writing these things down.

Prof Tax told us that s/he was one of the first people to develop mortgage-backed securities, basically to put together the residuals. Yah! Wait, weren't those the things that hid the actual risk in the market (buried subprime mortgages into these huge pools). yay. And wasn't that the reason why the subprime foreclosures caused so much crap and helped to melt the economy. ummm, not so yay. I couldn't concentrate the rest of class, I was either stifling laughter that this prof. was so proud of what s/he had accomplished or about to leap over the table to throttle the prof for exactly the same reason. Maybe I just didn't understand what s/he was saying. Or Prof T is the devil.