And now I am a 2L

It took 3 hours after my last exam for that to filter in to my brain. But I did it. My grades may be crap, but at least the first year is done.

Lessons from first year:
1. Never believe administration. What I heard and what was reality were two completely different things.
2. Grades do not define me. I know I may be out Big Law jobs, but that's fine. At worst, I will work in a small to medium firm. At best, I can now focus on the career that will help me stay sane and be happy.
3. It doesn't matter the age difference, good people are simply good people. I have made numerous friends that I hope will be in my life for a very long time.
4. Even if you come in knowing what law you think you are going to practice, keep an open mind. While I may end up in IP, I have looked at a couple of different options that sound more attractive than doing patent prosecution (which is looking a bit boring).
5. No matter what, find time to relax, think about why you are here in the first place, and spend time with people.

Funny, these are quite similar to the other analyses found in other blogs after first year.

Self-doubt

Goals:
1. Stop worrying about what others think of me
2. But also, be kind and avoid being critical
3. Figure out how to accept myself

How is it that some people are capable of being self-confident in the face of criticism while others are unable to maintain even a modicum of confidence?

This seems to be a recurring thing in this blog. Instead of politics, cultural commentary, I spend my time whining about people not liking me or not doing as well as I want to do in class. What happened? Surely there is something more to me than "oh poor me?"

And, even though they make me sick, I like the "Real Housewives." And that doesn't make me a bad person.

Obsessing???

I have this friend (at least I think she is, I mean I like her and want to be friends). And I wonder if there is something that I have done to irritate her. Should I ask? Am I being an idiot? Obsessing?

I hate when I feel this way.

I can't take this any more

A 22-yo with a non-distinctive degree is working for the professor I have tried over and over to talk to.

What is wrong with me? Why am I so unemployable even within the school? Why do I suck so much? Why couldn't all these fucking schools have just rejected me so it wouldn't be a long drawn out three year rejection.

I can't stand this. I hate smiling and acting like none of this bothers me. I hate every new fucking email that rejects me once more.

Avoiding Exam dissection

"They" always say to just forget about the exam and move on. Don't dissect it with friends, don't mull over it. BUT I WANT TO. There is this little nagging voice wanting to discuss the exam because I just have no clue how I might have done. In the world of law exams, it is never about how well you think you did, your grade is all about how well others did in comparison to you (at least in first year).

No offense law school, but this is a stupid way to grade. A forced curve? Really? Please! I read the model answer for one class and had an incredibly similar response (I am not hallucinating, I thought part of it was mine). Letter grade below that dude. Why? Prof admitted the grades were so close he was letter grade dropping for insignificant spelling errors. Hmm. Not what I thought law school was going to be about. It's not going to change, at least not for me.

And speaking of which, do you really think that guy you are interviewing because he is top 10% will make a better lawyer than me (50%), even though the dude can't go without saying "dude" every other word, believes that cursing in front of anyone is his god-given right, refuses to get involved in anything outside of classes, etc. He will be a better clerk than me, who has managed a large office, is spending time volunteering over the summers in the ABA and state bar organizations, spends time volunteering for legal career related things? Really? What if I told you that he tells everyone that he is only doing this because he doesn't want to really work yet and can spend Daddy's money instead for 3 years?

Bitter? Maybe. Maybe I am wrong and he will make a great lawyer and I will be the sucky one. This drives me nuts. I wanted a career change, spent years researching opportunities in law, GET TOLD by admissions and career services that I would have no problem getting a job and now the tune has changed. "Hm, your grades aren't too good. What other plans do you have?" WHAT.???!!!!! One semester and I am toast. What the hell is wrong with these people?
I HAD A CAREER. Granted, I didn't like it all that much, but it was better than unemployment.

Okay, I have to turn this frown upside down, cause I am talking myself right into a depressive state.

Peace.

Exams, exams, exams

Prepping for exams. Outlining at the last minute is not recommended.