ADD, Procrastination, it all comes down to don't wanna

Read for class, read for class, read for class.

After years of struggling with disorder, chaos, and a brain that jumps from subject to subject, I was finally diagnosed with ADD a few years ago. At the time, the guy I was working with said it will be a long time to implement strategies to combat all of the issues that come with ADD. Mainly procrastination and a really odd sense of time. Oh, and let's not forget lack of time management skills.

Well, that was 3 years ago. And so far, the best I can say is I take my medication some of the time and I have a label for why I can't seem to put my keys in the same place no matter how much I remind myself. Which means I have to go back to my initial system of post-it notes. Which annoys everyone. My post it system is basically I place post it notes reminding myself to do things. I mean everything from brush my teeth to take my pill. It's onerous but it does work. But I feel self-conscious when anyone comes over and sees these things. It's like being a kid that can't be trusted to do their homework.

I have to get a better system for getting and staying organized, put things like keys in the same place, discipline myself to clean when I want to watch tv, work when I want to do nothing. It's weird. I know that everyone struggles with working when they aren't motivated. I feel silly bitching about this and people who don't understand it are going to look rather skeptically at this. Because there really are many times when I feel like I am moving through mud and I can't make myself do the things I need to do, even simple things. I hate this. I am getting better and I actually have Law School to thank for that, but I wish it wasn't such a struggle.

Not going to freak out

But what exactly is wrong with me. I don't think I can handle much more rejection. I mean, I have a Ph.D., extensive experience in chemistry, biotechnology, and published papers, and I don't think I come off as a jackass (according to multiple mock interviews). So what is the problem. Okay, my grades aren't great, but for the love of goddess, does that matter so much in the grand scheme of things. I can talk to inventors, I can understand them, and, again, I am NOT AN IDIOT. Why does the equivalent of two weeks worth of law school (exams over 1st year) negate 15 years of work experience, managing people, managing a lab, managing large grants, and all of my other experiences????

And this is what has to happen:
1. Some how I have to find a job for second summer. That is an absolute must.

2. I can't take all of this personally. If people chose to not see me as a great opportunity for their firm, that's their problem. I do not know what basis they are rejecting me on, but it really is their loss.

3. My self-worth is not tied into my grades, my interviews, or my job. There has to be a way to make myself believe this.

4. I can defeat procrastination. Be consistent, be aware, and keep up with my goals. Remember, behavior goals, not vague "I'm going to change goals."

5. Punch the next person that talks about their 10 job offers as being the worst thing that ever happened to them. A guy, go for the nads. A girl, right in the sternum.

6. JUST STOP TALKING TO THE PEOPLE THAT ARE CONSTANTLY BRAGGING ABOUT LAW REVIEW, JOB INTERVIEWS, AND JOB OFFERS. It is amazing what people turn into during OCI and after the journals announce. I just wish that I had not seen this side of the students that I actually like. I know this will fade and once we graduate, hopefully they will be able to see that behaving like an insensitive idiot was not a good thing.

I just want a job, is that so bad?

Interviewing and new 1L's

I have had interviews as of late. Take that top 50% of the class. HAHAHAHA, we bottom of the class are people too. Okay, I think I have gone completely wonky.

But more interesting, I am in the library during orientation. Crap, I thought that started tomorrow. Nope, today. Was I ever that happy? Or excited? Or well rested? I just hope my ghastly visage has not scared the poor students. A few looked at me a little funny as I sucked down iced coffee after iced coffee (I get them in 3's so I don't have to leave).

I was thinking about weighing in on the 1L advice. But don't really think anyone including myself has anything to offer. Everyone has to find their own stride and everyone has to deal with their own ego hits. Even those in the top 10 % have to deal with the fact of not getting every issue. Even they go home at night, a little hurt, a little scare...Oh who the hell am I kidding, jackasses have it made.

Signing off...lock me up please.

Starting back in another 12 days...ugggg

Okay, starting back to school in 12 days and am already tired of it. Having to make a decision to work which will require dropping a class or not work and have an extremely tight budget.

Been to a few interviews. There are a number of places that would be great to work. I just hope like hell one of these firms thinks that I would be someone that would be good to have around. The worst part of law school is knowing the possibility that there may not be a job waiting at the end of the line. After having a successful career, I didn't really ready myself for that possibility. Maybe if I had been thinking straight, I would have chosen the school that generated the least debt.

I hate this.

Been a while

It's been a month since I posted last. Just a quick bullet update:

1. Even with a crap GPA, I still got some interviews

2. Spent a week at the beach to relax. Oops, went with family, so relaxation out the window.

3. Other, not so fascinating things occurred. I should create a fantasy site so I can at least sound exciting.