Thursday, January 28, 2010

Self involvement, but still battling negativity

I really don't want this blog to turn into an angsty struggle with my demons. But there are days when negative thoughts simply overwhelm me (or anyone for that matter). And I hope that I can turn it around, maybe by putting it out for others to see (good lord, is that the brightest thing I have ever done?).

I need to be able to handle stress. And stress triggers all the guilt, shame, and self-criticism that can really send me into a tailspin. I have so many regrets; people I have hurt, choices I have made. The incident, itself, is likely small, probably forgotten by others. But for me, it inflates until I am portrayed in my mind as a monster.

What I never focus on are the kind acts I have done. Or the progress I have made. Or the things I have accomplished. Oh no, those things are nothing, any one could do them, it was all luck...look at all these negative things, these surely outweigh the positive.

And I notice that negative thoughts really can get hold when I am eating junk food. From this, I assume that nutrition may impact my moods (duh). But now I really want a Big Mac. And tired mixed with stress = really negative. So of course, I want to stay up and watch tv when I am not studying for the flippin' patent bar. Oh, and then there is the whole dehydration thing.

Recipe for happiness = give myself a break + breathe through the yelling in my head + whole nutritious food + water, lots of water + sleep + physical exercise.

Hmmm, sounds so simply. Just get through it.


just jenn said...

1. i like angst. especially other people's angst. then i'm not alone.
2. big macs are nectar to the gods. also, said sandwiches are gross, disgusting paeans to corporate and/or american greed. just a thought.
3. let me know if you have ? re the MPEP. i live it, love it and concurrently have no idea what it means?

JD-Maybe said...

I wish i could email you in private....I really truly fell off the deep end recently and two weeks ago I woke up and decided i cant live like this anymore. the racing thoughts, guilt, shame, etc. I went and saw a dr. and lets just say I am on the road to recovery. I didnt know it was possible to live without the obsessive thoughts. I feel like me still, just calmer. Its not a permanent fix but it gets the ball rolling for me to fix the deeper issues. I would recommend what i did to EVERYONE. It might feel like weakness to submit to the solution I did but it has literally saved my life.

Eliza said...

JD - email me at