Saturday, January 9, 2010

That whole weight thing...

I got up early on a Saturday and went to my first Weight Watcher's meeting. Every Saturday from now on (yes, I realize I will miss a few), I will be heading to the WW mt and then taking a really long walk (the place is where it is really nice to walk).

So I feel like I got something done today that benefited me, not just some vague sense that in the future this will be helpful (Patent Bar).

I have a feeling I am going to have difficulty tracking food and exercise. My plan is to use my iTouch for something more helpful than simply being pretty.

Ah, only numerous pounds to go, but at least I went.

Of course, now my head is screaming at me that I have to lose it all before I start my firm job. Without major surgery that is fairly impossible unless I suddenly embrace the feeling of hunger. Please don't let this voice in my head ruin things. I hate that voice. It's always "don't you remember every other time you have failed at..." Weight loss, careers, relationships. That voice never shuts up and it can make the most minor mistakes seem the most catastrophic. And what it does with really huge failures is no less than a masterpiece. If that voice would shut up, my life would be so much better. It whispers to me, right now, that it is there to keep me from failing. That if it wasn't there, I would never do anything. That's a set of lies I believed for a long time. But now, I see that every time I fail, it has more to do with agreeing with that voice than my own efforts.

Just a little psych for all two that read this. Remember, you can be 42 and still have all of the anxiety and angst of a 12 year old.

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