Dilettante?

English major - lab technician - Ph.D. in science - Postdoctoral positions from biogeochemistry to molecular - Law school.

Am I a dilettante? One definition that hurts - an amateur who engages in an activity without serious intentions and who pretends to have knowledge. Am I a pretender?

Or does my head just yell at me to much about other things.

Where is my focus?

Over the next few weeks, I have to study my butt off for the Patent Bar, but after that, I would like to really delve into what my passion is. Or if I just need to find passion in what I am doing right now.

One week from today will be the last first day of school

YAY!!!!

In 15 weeks this will all be a bad dream. I will be working after that (well after the bar). We will be moving. And we will start settling in to the last place I hope to ever live (I have moved around a lot in the last decade). And we will be near family, which will be nice.

Yay!!!

Hallelujah!!! Saints be praised.

Moving all rants on weight to here...

http://getmoreweighless.blogspot.com/

I have decided to stop posting my weight stuff on this blog. My goal is to not only lose the weight, but run a 5K, then a 10K, then a half-marathon, then ***A MARATHON***.

As for law school news, we start back in one week. I hate the Patent Bar. And I can't wait to graduate.

That whole weight thing...

I got up early on a Saturday and went to my first Weight Watcher's meeting. Every Saturday from now on (yes, I realize I will miss a few), I will be heading to the WW mt and then taking a really long walk (the place is where it is really nice to walk).

So I feel like I got something done today that benefited me, not just some vague sense that in the future this will be helpful (Patent Bar).

I have a feeling I am going to have difficulty tracking food and exercise. My plan is to use my iTouch for something more helpful than simply being pretty.

Ah, only numerous pounds to go, but at least I went.

Of course, now my head is screaming at me that I have to lose it all before I start my firm job. Without major surgery that is fairly impossible unless I suddenly embrace the feeling of hunger. Please don't let this voice in my head ruin things. I hate that voice. It's always "don't you remember every other time you have failed at..." Weight loss, careers, relationships. That voice never shuts up and it can make the most minor mistakes seem the most catastrophic. And what it does with really huge failures is no less than a masterpiece. If that voice would shut up, my life would be so much better. It whispers to me, right now, that it is there to keep me from failing. That if it wasn't there, I would never do anything. That's a set of lies I believed for a long time. But now, I see that every time I fail, it has more to do with agreeing with that voice than my own efforts.

Just a little psych for all two that read this. Remember, you can be 42 and still have all of the anxiety and angst of a 12 year old.

Oh yeah and

it's two weeks before classes start and only one class has released its syllabus and book list. So once again, the profs don't give a shit that textbooks are a million bucks a book that could be purchased cheaper with enough time prior to classes beginning. Gotta love it. Especially since most of them will reuse the same syllabus from last semester or last year.

Patent Bar Exam

Blah...I take the PTO Feb 18. If I fail, I can take it again. Thank goodness, because I am not doing to well on the practice exams.

I will be studying my butt off until then. But, oh boy, listening to these lectures is like watching syrup pour, very slowly from a bottle. And you are strapped to a chair, forced to watch every last drop to escape. And then there is this long strand of syrup that is completely indecisive...well, you get the idea.

I am cleaning out the pantry

I am having a bit of a problem getting started on eating clean. The problem is two-fold. I want to eat out all the time. And I haven't really made enough of an effort to cook. So in order for this to work, I guess I am going to have to nut-up, clean house, and cook.

I really want to do this.

And we are doing it on $75/week. That should be plenty of money, but that is the budget. If I can get it below $50/week, that would be awesome. But we are starting at the high end and eventually getting to the lower number.

So

(1) Budget and (2) clean foods.