Law School Motivation

Why is second semester so much less energizing than first semester? I am barely motivated to read the cases.

And Criminal Law is not criminal statutes. I wish I was one of those that liked theory. I understand it and can speak the lingo. But lord, for some reason, I find it boooorrrrrinnngg. Which is a shame as my crim law professor is a super star.

Noticed this a month ago

So I am starting to look around at the different law firms and noticed something. There are no fat first-year associates. This has frightened me somewhat as I am obese. I know that people like me. I know that I am smart. But I also know that people unconsciously judge. Knowing that, I am starting a new program. It's a medically supervised liquid diet. But it's not just a liquid diet. I spend 12 weeks on a liquid diet, 6 weeks transition to real food, and then 52 weeks (yes, an entire year) of slow loss to reach a final goal and then maintenance.

Am I doing this just for the job search? Hell no. I want to bend over and not lose my breath. I want to walk up stairs without wanting to die. Do I have to go on a liquid diet? Nope. But I want to do it this way for a number of reasons, not the least of which is I am motivated by results. Plus there are at least 2 very good scientific studies that show that people that complete the entire program have a much better chance to keep off the weight (58% maintained their weight loss at the 5 year mark).

Anywhoo, I quit smoking, I changed careers at 40, I went into science when people said I couldn't handle it, etc. I can do this.

Blog takedown

What is going on with the law blogs coming down? I miss Legal Spanking and Law Bitches.

Law exams blew. I was supremely shocked at how subjective they were. I knew they would be hard and I guess I did okay, but at least one of them was extremely off base.

Plans for break.
Week 1 down - slept a lot, did a few errands, applied for a few summer jobs, got turned down for a few jobs. I don't think I am going to have one of those amazingly well-paid summer internships. I don't mind. I will likely go for an RA, take classes, or do an externship. I am kind of hoping to graduate early to start making the bling sooner.

Week 2: clean my pig sty of a house. And yes, this will take all week.

Week 3 and 4: work on a project for about 2 weeks. I will clean that up and stop having that hanging over my head. That will be wonderfully freeing.

Then it's back to the grind. I actually already miss it.

Hope everyone out there is doing well and having a good break. As for me, I feel great, sleepy, but great.

Knowing you are crashing and not being able to do a damn thing about it.

What I should be doing:
1. Outlining
2. Reading and briefing for this week

What I am doing:
1. Staring into space
2. Not studying

I woke up today feeling fine. Then DH woke and was almost screaming with pain. I got him to the hospital and now I am worried about leaving him alone. He is fine now and will likely be fine in the next few days. But he is never like that and it scared me. It was like seeing the future now, realizing one day one of us was going to be gone. And for some reason I am having real difficulty getting back on track.

Personal problems suck.

To balance, the good side of law students

This week, I have seen numerous people bend over backwards to help others. I am in a study group that has been wonderful about sharing notes. Someone I barely know emailed a friend of his who happened to be a judge in the area I am interested in and asked if I could contact him

* The girl who stood next to the coke machines and bought the girl in front of her a soda when the girl at the machine didn't have any cash
* The guy who asked if the guy next to him wanted his outline for a class the second person was having problems in.
* The three women (of the young set) that told me I looked great one day when I felt truly awkward in my suit
* Asking a woman to attend a lunch with an attorney in a field that the invitor knows the woman is interested.

I want to think the best of people and this week was a stellar week to see how people can be at their best. Call me naive, call me Pollyanna, but I can't stand thinking everyone is out for themselves.

So to the women that made the shitty comments: You will not taint my perceptions of law school any longer.

Oh yeah, outlines are a pain in the ass.

The Stereotype of Law School

It's that its high school. And that has finally come home to me. After having attempted to be very nice to a everyone and try not to feel like the "old" one, a friend has been openly maligned by a small group of 20 somethings. It's amazing what people will say when they think you aren't listening (maybe they think my age has rendered me deaf). The insults include "stupid" "she's [my friend] is at least 60" and that she shouldn't be here.

I am absolutely pissed that I wasn't in a situation where I could beat them up. Physically, I have about 3 inches on the tallest one and at least 5o lbs. Plus, my dad thought it was disgusting the way girls fought (not that I got into fights when I was young), so he taught me to hit properly. I've got a mean right hook.

So I made a comment that let them know that I am not quite the decrepit person they think I am. But I was so angry that was about all I could do. They did shut up, but good Lord, who thinks this way. The woman they were discussing is beautiful and I don't mean that in a "she looks good for her age" kind of thing. When I first met her I thought she was a good 10 years younger than I am. And she is highly educated, worked for years in a position of some status, and is intelligent.

What possesses people to say things like this? Every time my friends have wanted to bash other women at this school for things like the way they dress, how they act, or make disparaging remarks about their intelligence, I take the high road. I remind them that (1) every body has a bad day and will say dumb things; (2) everyone acts a little idiotic now and then, plus some people just don't realize that what they say may be offensive; and, most importantly, (3) I'm not sure that if I was 25 again AND had the bodies these women have, I wouldn't be flaunting a bit. I have tried to vigorously defend the younger women, saying that they are probably really nice people that are a little stand-offish with older women, cause they just don't know what to say or don't have anything in common with us. And we do have friends that are much younger. But I am appalled. And apparently this happens all the time. I thought this was exaggerated for blogs. But it's real and it's mean and it's just people being complete and total jackasses.

Well, I am here to say that if I hear this from anyone, I am going to be speaking up a lot more to them. Screw what they think of me, I won't be bullied or have people speak like that about my friends. I took enough of that kind of shit in high school. I didn't need it then and I sure as hell don't need it now.

The gloves come off.

Stress and Law school

I haven't been too stressed out about school. I admit, I freaked out a bit when I got sick and fell pretty far behind. But I tried to put on a happy face and tackle the backlog, the whole time giving myself ridiculously positive reassurance. This comes from a life time of being a really negative person. I was the cynic, sometimes the whiner, but I could always find the cloud in a clear blue sky. That never worked for me. I have talked about this before.

So today, we got a lecture about how we should not be stressed and if we are we need to get help. Now, I don't want to say "duh" because when someone is in the midst of depression, alcoholism, or any other problem, it is really hard to have any perspective. What I did realize is that I feel sorry for any one in school younger than 28. Aging is crap, but the one thing it really can do for you is to put things in perspective. I realized in that talk, I wish someone had said these things when I was 28 and starting graduate school. What they did say was "hard work is its own reward." What a load of bollocks. Hard work is great, don't get me wrong. I am as Puritanical as the next American. But hard work and the work ethic isn't everything AND it shouldn't be. So if I were giving advice (ask me after this year and grades come out), the very first thing I would say is: "If you are over 28, you likely understand what it means to try to balance life and work. You may not have done it successfully, but at least you know that it must be attempted. For those of you that are under 28, or worse yet, just out of undergraduate school, yes, you have been shocked at the work load. I hear some of you flipping out when others tell you they spent 12 hours in the library yesterday. I have heard you moan that it's just too hard. I want each of you to take a deep breath and think about this for a moment. Do you really need to listen to how other people study? No. Worse, some of those people spent 6-7 hours surfing the web. Some are attempting psychological warfare. Still others don't get it, even after 12 hours in the library. Let that go. Find what works for you. What really works for you. So you think sitting in front of the TV briefing cases? Turn off the TV and ask yourself questions about the case. If you can answer them, great that does work. If not, turn the freakin' tv off..." and on in that vein.

Anyway, I am finally glad I am old.

Oh, 28, 25, 30, doesn't matter. I picked the age that I could point to myself and say, that's about the age I stopped being a dill-hole.