T-9 days

Exactly 9 days from today I will be sitting in a large room with about 500 other people praying (me and everyone else. No atheists in foxholes or bar exams).

Just to apprise folks, I spent an evening freaking out. Nothing was working (breathing, exercise, etc), so I just went with it. I cried, muffled screams with a pillow, imagined the most horrible consequences of failing (right down to an ex yelling across a crowded room about how he heard I had failed my bar exam). And then I realized that all of this could happen and it really wouldn't be that awful. I mean it would be pretty bad if I failed, but (1) I can take it again and (2) really, failing a test has me in a fetal position.

I know I am rambling, but try to follow me here. I was sitting, rocking back and forth, when it simply dawned on me how ridiculous I was acting. Yes, it is stressful. Yes, I have days of unending studying. And yes, the wait will be excruciating. But I won't be in physical pain (except what I put myself in) and I won't die. It's paper. A test. Good lord, you would think I was in a war torn country with live fire all around me. I suppose what I am trying to say is, you make your own hell. I made it then I chose to walk out of it. Thanks Butterflyfish, I needed that!