Blog may go away

I am taking on a lot next semester and I wonder if I am using this blog to accomplish anything anyway.

I know I have said this before

but I wonder if I could really blog everything that I am doing for the career search. OR potentially turn it into a book. I really do not see many sources for those on the bottom of the GPA. Well, I will see and start keeping copious notes just in case.

Second semester job hunt...what to do?

So now that it is official that I do not have a job in my field for summer, I have to figure out what to do for second semester. Our CPDC office has been less than helpful, the only thing they ever say is to network.

So in that vein,

1. Join another couple of organizations.
2. Volunteer with the organizations I am a member of
3. Talk to the research office of the university about becoming involved there
4. Make multiple coffee/lunch dates with local attorneys over the winter break
5. Meet frequently with the CPDC office to discuss people I should be talking with
6. Find a small firm that would let me volunteer for the summer
7. Sign up for every job fair I can find
8. Make myself distinguishable:
a. Grades - knock em out of the park
b. Papers - have three publications by summer
c. Work - point out my job
d. Get this volunteer research position

The next 10 - 12 weeks are going to be very busy. I wish I had been this focused 8 months ago.

Oh well, good enough for me.

Uggg

Rejected.

That gnawing feeling in my gut

Recently had another interview. They said that the offers would go out on Monday. I can feel it building in my gut, the fear of yet another rejection. At this point, I wonder what I have done, is it just grades, do I simply come across as an ass, what is it that keeps people from hiring me?

God, I hate this.

Newest pet peeve

People in class that feel the need to literally bang on their keyboard. I hates 'em.

Sick.

I have spent yesterday and today either wrapped in blankets, freezing, or sitting in front of a fan, boiling. I am sick. Ugg.

Hahahahahaha...All the tips for procrastination

Irony - spending two hours reading about how to overcome procrastination

Tragedy - spending another two hours attempting to trace origins of procrastination

Comedy - realizing you just efficiently wasted 4 hours...priceless

Tagged!!

So pickled has tagged me.

Here are the instructions:
I'm listing 5 non-law blogs that I enjoy, which you must read, or at least should read. Then I tag 5 law bloggers to do the same, whose blogs you should also read.

Non-Law Blogs
1. Chow & Again - Just dang good reviews of local food. Plus he discusses food in an easily accessible way.

2. Go Fug Yourself - please, who doesn't love watching beautiful people get raked across the coals. Some of the comments, especially about Bai Ling. Love it.

3. Teacher on Two Wheels - a guy, a bike. Lots of countries. Just fun. At times, when I am reading, I pretend that I did the entry and that I am not in law school and that I... yeah, you get the point.

4. Wonkette: The D.C. Gossip - political comedy mixed in with OMG, these people are really in power.

5. An Obsession with Food - over the years I have substituted really crappy food for the kinds of things I remember from my childhood. I have come to realize that my excuses (too busy is the most favorite) really don't cut it because of how important food is. And I want to become a slow foodie, or at least read about one.

Law Blogs
I am probably tagging people who have been tagged, but here goes.
Divine Angst

Law School Sucks

Butterfly Fish

Fannie's Room

Luke Gilman

Next post - overcoming the temptation to drink yourself stupid to avoid studying. This one will be a while in coming. But for your amusement, Palin versus Biden.

Good lord, I'm drunk

I am actually writing this with one eye closed. Just wanted people to know that it wasn't all study.

I think I will vomit now.

Law Review

No, I am not on it. What I was wondering if anyone out there (if anyone reads this blog!) ever petitioned again for their 3rd year?

Just a thought.

Warm fall, I hates ya

cause people are still wearing flip flops.

Starting the 4th week

and so freakin' tired. Wow, lots of work and so little time. Do I really want to add a job to this?

Flip flops

There is a special circle of hell for those people that insist on wearing flip flops in the library and then insist on walking around in seemingly meandering circles. If the item was more substantial, I would consider beating a few of these folks with their own ff's.

Making the choice to be in a special part of the library that is tomb-like was supposed to represent nirvana to me. And now my lovely haven has been sullied by ff's, cell phones (person now likely thinks I am a true byatch as I absolutely pointed out their jackassedness), and the inability for people to simply set things on a table. One person literally dropped three massive books from about a foot above the table that resounded throughout the floor. She looked up all cute and sheepish, whispering "sorry." {screaming in my head}

ADD, Procrastination, it all comes down to don't wanna

Read for class, read for class, read for class.

After years of struggling with disorder, chaos, and a brain that jumps from subject to subject, I was finally diagnosed with ADD a few years ago. At the time, the guy I was working with said it will be a long time to implement strategies to combat all of the issues that come with ADD. Mainly procrastination and a really odd sense of time. Oh, and let's not forget lack of time management skills.

Well, that was 3 years ago. And so far, the best I can say is I take my medication some of the time and I have a label for why I can't seem to put my keys in the same place no matter how much I remind myself. Which means I have to go back to my initial system of post-it notes. Which annoys everyone. My post it system is basically I place post it notes reminding myself to do things. I mean everything from brush my teeth to take my pill. It's onerous but it does work. But I feel self-conscious when anyone comes over and sees these things. It's like being a kid that can't be trusted to do their homework.

I have to get a better system for getting and staying organized, put things like keys in the same place, discipline myself to clean when I want to watch tv, work when I want to do nothing. It's weird. I know that everyone struggles with working when they aren't motivated. I feel silly bitching about this and people who don't understand it are going to look rather skeptically at this. Because there really are many times when I feel like I am moving through mud and I can't make myself do the things I need to do, even simple things. I hate this. I am getting better and I actually have Law School to thank for that, but I wish it wasn't such a struggle.

Not going to freak out

But what exactly is wrong with me. I don't think I can handle much more rejection. I mean, I have a Ph.D., extensive experience in chemistry, biotechnology, and published papers, and I don't think I come off as a jackass (according to multiple mock interviews). So what is the problem. Okay, my grades aren't great, but for the love of goddess, does that matter so much in the grand scheme of things. I can talk to inventors, I can understand them, and, again, I am NOT AN IDIOT. Why does the equivalent of two weeks worth of law school (exams over 1st year) negate 15 years of work experience, managing people, managing a lab, managing large grants, and all of my other experiences????

And this is what has to happen:
1. Some how I have to find a job for second summer. That is an absolute must.

2. I can't take all of this personally. If people chose to not see me as a great opportunity for their firm, that's their problem. I do not know what basis they are rejecting me on, but it really is their loss.

3. My self-worth is not tied into my grades, my interviews, or my job. There has to be a way to make myself believe this.

4. I can defeat procrastination. Be consistent, be aware, and keep up with my goals. Remember, behavior goals, not vague "I'm going to change goals."

5. Punch the next person that talks about their 10 job offers as being the worst thing that ever happened to them. A guy, go for the nads. A girl, right in the sternum.

6. JUST STOP TALKING TO THE PEOPLE THAT ARE CONSTANTLY BRAGGING ABOUT LAW REVIEW, JOB INTERVIEWS, AND JOB OFFERS. It is amazing what people turn into during OCI and after the journals announce. I just wish that I had not seen this side of the students that I actually like. I know this will fade and once we graduate, hopefully they will be able to see that behaving like an insensitive idiot was not a good thing.

I just want a job, is that so bad?

Interviewing and new 1L's

I have had interviews as of late. Take that top 50% of the class. HAHAHAHA, we bottom of the class are people too. Okay, I think I have gone completely wonky.

But more interesting, I am in the library during orientation. Crap, I thought that started tomorrow. Nope, today. Was I ever that happy? Or excited? Or well rested? I just hope my ghastly visage has not scared the poor students. A few looked at me a little funny as I sucked down iced coffee after iced coffee (I get them in 3's so I don't have to leave).

I was thinking about weighing in on the 1L advice. But don't really think anyone including myself has anything to offer. Everyone has to find their own stride and everyone has to deal with their own ego hits. Even those in the top 10 % have to deal with the fact of not getting every issue. Even they go home at night, a little hurt, a little scare...Oh who the hell am I kidding, jackasses have it made.

Signing off...lock me up please.

Starting back in another 12 days...ugggg

Okay, starting back to school in 12 days and am already tired of it. Having to make a decision to work which will require dropping a class or not work and have an extremely tight budget.

Been to a few interviews. There are a number of places that would be great to work. I just hope like hell one of these firms thinks that I would be someone that would be good to have around. The worst part of law school is knowing the possibility that there may not be a job waiting at the end of the line. After having a successful career, I didn't really ready myself for that possibility. Maybe if I had been thinking straight, I would have chosen the school that generated the least debt.

I hate this.

Been a while

It's been a month since I posted last. Just a quick bullet update:

1. Even with a crap GPA, I still got some interviews

2. Spent a week at the beach to relax. Oops, went with family, so relaxation out the window.

3. Other, not so fascinating things occurred. I should create a fantasy site so I can at least sound exciting.

Taking a stab at networking

The worst part of job hunting for me is that I do not have a network here. We have been moving so much that I have lost touch with many folks. But now that we know that we want to settle here, I am making the effort to "network" which is just a fancy way of saying "meeting people."

1. Join the ABA and your local chapter. You are then can use the websites with abandon. You will be able to find out information about different fields of law. Plus the Bar Associations have sections for these different fields of law. Pay attention to who is on the board.

2. Do something that you are interested in. Yes, it takes time, but do it any way. For instance, I joined 2 organizations. You will not make contacts immediately but it shows that you are interested in the area, are an interesting multi-dimensional person.

3. Talk to attorneys. As many as you possibly can. Make appointments. DO NOT ASK FOR A JOB. The point is to find out more about the law. And the role you will eventually play. And the work itself.

4. Talk to other students. And don't just bitch about school. Get to know your colleagues. I found out that I am always talking about law school and I was actually boring myself to death. Just imagine what I was doing to everyone around me. Now that I realize that, I am making an effort to ask everyone what they are doing outside of law school, what their lives were like prior to law school, etc. And I have found out some interesting things.

5. Finally, if your friends talk about their friends that are in the law, ask to be introduced or ask if you can contact the friend.

Well, that's all for now. Oh, one more thing. Go to your career service office and ask for names of alumni that would be open to being contacted. They might just be useful.

Before the next post on Career

I got a comment on the last post. So why is it that Career Service offices seems to only work for the top 10 to 25%? Is it really their fault or is it that this business is truly only geared to the top 10 to 25%? The question that employers and career service people should be asking is whether grades are a predictor of success.

So are grades a predictor of success in the legal field? I am curious to find this out. Does anyone know of studies that have examined this in any quantifiable way?

Online tools for researching law firms

Many of you may already know about these. But I am still putting these things together as a guide for myself as well.

1. The firm's own website. What it will tell you and what you should know: the total number of attorneys. From that list, unless the firm is huge, find out who does what you want to do. Who were there clients? What cases have they recently been a part of? Then find out about the clients and what the firm has helped them with. This goes back to the spreadsheet...put most of this info in the spreadsheet. Also, check out the firm's mission or vision. Sometimes that can tell you a lot about what that firm is like. For instance, if it says something like we pride ourselves in our customers knowing that they can always depend on us, you know damn well you are going to be working every time a client says jump (nights, weekends, the wee hours of the morning). Also look at the newsletters if they have any. This gives a sense of how long it takes to get to partner. It also can tell you how many laterals they take.

2. Martindale Hubbell (www.martindale.com) lists firm information. However, this is a service firms pay for, so many small and mid-sized firms may not have any information on the site. It's okay, but don't expect more than educational background and their rating system.

3. Google, directed search. I have found that by using Google I can often find cases that the attorneys have worked on, briefs they have written and other things of interest. It's kind of scary how much I can find on a person, really. The firms often get written up in the local newspapers, which also helps in putting together a firm profile. For instance, I found one of the firms I was interested in had a huge partner exodus about 5 years ago. Using all other resources, I would not know that. I know I can't ask about that in an interview, but I plan to ask around it when meeting with other attorneys. Lexis and Westlaw can also give you a lot of information about the firms, either cases or news articles. Some attorneys also continue to write articles for law reviews.

4. Legal news magazines, like the ABA Journal, are great sources. Do not overlook the local chapters. They will have more information on local law firms.

5. If your career services office sucks (i.e. is basically for those fortunate few) you have to start as soon as possible developing your own "career services" portfolio. Become familiar with all of the online tools you can use. Then use them!

NEXT TIME: Connecting, networking, getting your face out there.

Researching firms

There are a number of ways to research a law firm. I have started by making a large spreadsheet. The headings are something like the following

Name of firm Number of offices What Cities Number of Attorneys by Office Hiring partner Recruitment attorney Attorneys from Alma Mater (law school) AM (undergrad) AM (grad school)

After every attorney column, there are headings with Contact/email or phone Date of contact sent Scheduled a meet (y/n) Follow up

This and more information can be obtained directly from most law firms websites. If the law firm does not have a website there are directories of attorneys. I have not gotten that far yet.

I plan to be obsessive-compulsive about this. I will have a job for next year and next summer. Grrr.

NEXT POST: Using online tools to their maximum advantage.

The Ideal Career Services Visit

Hi Legally Numb, yes I remember that you are interested in X law (but even if I didn't, I keep files on students that are assigned to me and take notes).

You have a question about networking? Well, you need to build a set of contacts. And since you are from out of town, let me get in touch with some alumni that might be willing to speak with you (I keep a list of willing alumni right here with their specialties and past jobs, including summer clerkships right here). Also, let's talk about the kinds of things that may be important to know before meeting with these folks.

You want to know what your best strategy is now that you know your grades are in the toilet? I have a few suggestions. The first is to talk to these small to mid-size firms that are aligned with your interests. They often either hire students part time or take them on as volunteers during the school year. We have had a lot of success placing students with these and other firms based on our continual contacts.

You are still confused about resumes and cover letters? Let's go through them to see what the best approach would be. And I don't think I am the best person to give you advice on this, seeing as I wouldn't know a gene from a hole in the ground. I keep a few names of people willing to analyze resumes and cover letters for people in particular subfields that do not lend themselves to the same "rules" as corporate or criminal law practice.

As for strategies, let's make a calendar. On this calendar, you will do so-and-so by such-and-such time and I will contact/email/call/look over. Then we will meet in one month to decide where to go from there.

Is this what most career services offices do??? Absolutely not. They plan useless get-togethers and their lives are made easier by the fact that the top 10-25% are going to do OCI and everyone else will likely leave them alone. The rest will flounder, attempting to piece things together themselves.

For 4 visists, I have been
(1) told to network
(2) never given alumni contacts
(3) have received very little feedback for resumes and absolutely none for cover letters

I should check to see if the ABA has a complaint department about this.

What I have actually done:
1. Contacted a few people to set up lunch/coffee meetings
2. Spoken with the Dean of Students about the problems I am having
3. Read 2-3 career books that were obviously written for people in at least the top 50
4. Read "Guerilla Tactics" which, though somewhat helpful, is written in a nauseatingly cute way. Much of the book could have been edited down.

Next steps:
1. I have gotten a few interviews
2. So, I will be researching the hell out of those firms
3. Which will lead to me creating good questions
4. And then, trying to put my grades in a different light while really pushing my strengths.
etc.

Fingers crossed.

Over the next year...

I have decided that I am not letting grades beat me. If this is the worst thing that ever happens to me, I am one lucky son-of-a-bitch.

Why did I come to law school?
I came here to combine science with something else interesting
I wanted to move into a career that was a bit more stable with fewer hours

There were other reasons.

I started this blog to help me sort things out and that is exactly what it will do. Over the next year, I am going to get to know people in the field I am interested, work for professors, work to increase my grades, and try to find a part-time job in a law office during the year.

This blog is going to help me and, just maybe, when someone searches the web for bad grades and law school, it might help them too. Or not.

Thanks to all those out there that helped me put this in perspective.

Break downs and self pity

Wow, I can't make it through even one day without crying...a lot. I feel simply devastated. What does one do when confronted with their own horrible performance? How do you bounce back when you think you did well, but it turns out you were completely wrong? How do you ever trust your judgment again?

I break down every day. I find it hard to get through a day. I know this is depression, I know it is starting to get black and dark. I know that I have to find my way out before it gets really bad. But right now, all I can think is that I am stupid, stupid, stupid. And worthless, a waste of space.

Have I made a terrible mistake? So much for grades not defining me.

Spring semester grades are out. Not quite as bad as fall, but not really much of an improvement. I am still in the bottom 25% of the class.

So, should I quit and get a job in a laboratory? Or tough it out and hope for the best? I want to talk to career services about this but, in the 3-4 visits I have made, the only advice I have been given is "network." Literally, the only advice. Without names of alumni that are in the same area of law. So I have no idea if I should continue.

Why is there little information about what to do when you are at the bottom of the class? And does this mean that I am dumb? I sure do feel rather stupid. I mean over the course of one year, I could not figure out the key to taking an exam. I am feeling utterly humiliated, stupid, and ashamed. I am not very sure I want to keep going if by the end by whole identity will be destroyed.

Well, I have 3 months to think about it and try to find another job.

And now I am a 2L

It took 3 hours after my last exam for that to filter in to my brain. But I did it. My grades may be crap, but at least the first year is done.

Lessons from first year:
1. Never believe administration. What I heard and what was reality were two completely different things.
2. Grades do not define me. I know I may be out Big Law jobs, but that's fine. At worst, I will work in a small to medium firm. At best, I can now focus on the career that will help me stay sane and be happy.
3. It doesn't matter the age difference, good people are simply good people. I have made numerous friends that I hope will be in my life for a very long time.
4. Even if you come in knowing what law you think you are going to practice, keep an open mind. While I may end up in IP, I have looked at a couple of different options that sound more attractive than doing patent prosecution (which is looking a bit boring).
5. No matter what, find time to relax, think about why you are here in the first place, and spend time with people.

Funny, these are quite similar to the other analyses found in other blogs after first year.

Self-doubt

Goals:
1. Stop worrying about what others think of me
2. But also, be kind and avoid being critical
3. Figure out how to accept myself

How is it that some people are capable of being self-confident in the face of criticism while others are unable to maintain even a modicum of confidence?

This seems to be a recurring thing in this blog. Instead of politics, cultural commentary, I spend my time whining about people not liking me or not doing as well as I want to do in class. What happened? Surely there is something more to me than "oh poor me?"

And, even though they make me sick, I like the "Real Housewives." And that doesn't make me a bad person.

Obsessing???

I have this friend (at least I think she is, I mean I like her and want to be friends). And I wonder if there is something that I have done to irritate her. Should I ask? Am I being an idiot? Obsessing?

I hate when I feel this way.

I can't take this any more

A 22-yo with a non-distinctive degree is working for the professor I have tried over and over to talk to.

What is wrong with me? Why am I so unemployable even within the school? Why do I suck so much? Why couldn't all these fucking schools have just rejected me so it wouldn't be a long drawn out three year rejection.

I can't stand this. I hate smiling and acting like none of this bothers me. I hate every new fucking email that rejects me once more.

Avoiding Exam dissection

"They" always say to just forget about the exam and move on. Don't dissect it with friends, don't mull over it. BUT I WANT TO. There is this little nagging voice wanting to discuss the exam because I just have no clue how I might have done. In the world of law exams, it is never about how well you think you did, your grade is all about how well others did in comparison to you (at least in first year).

No offense law school, but this is a stupid way to grade. A forced curve? Really? Please! I read the model answer for one class and had an incredibly similar response (I am not hallucinating, I thought part of it was mine). Letter grade below that dude. Why? Prof admitted the grades were so close he was letter grade dropping for insignificant spelling errors. Hmm. Not what I thought law school was going to be about. It's not going to change, at least not for me.

And speaking of which, do you really think that guy you are interviewing because he is top 10% will make a better lawyer than me (50%), even though the dude can't go without saying "dude" every other word, believes that cursing in front of anyone is his god-given right, refuses to get involved in anything outside of classes, etc. He will be a better clerk than me, who has managed a large office, is spending time volunteering over the summers in the ABA and state bar organizations, spends time volunteering for legal career related things? Really? What if I told you that he tells everyone that he is only doing this because he doesn't want to really work yet and can spend Daddy's money instead for 3 years?

Bitter? Maybe. Maybe I am wrong and he will make a great lawyer and I will be the sucky one. This drives me nuts. I wanted a career change, spent years researching opportunities in law, GET TOLD by admissions and career services that I would have no problem getting a job and now the tune has changed. "Hm, your grades aren't too good. What other plans do you have?" WHAT.???!!!!! One semester and I am toast. What the hell is wrong with these people?
I HAD A CAREER. Granted, I didn't like it all that much, but it was better than unemployment.

Okay, I have to turn this frown upside down, cause I am talking myself right into a depressive state.

Peace.

Exams, exams, exams

Prepping for exams. Outlining at the last minute is not recommended.

Low day

I am getting tired, depressed, and I want to pull out of it. I can feel it creeping in. The almost crying, the sleeping a little later everyday, the lack of energy, watching TV instead of studying.

This scares me because I need to do better on exams this semester if I am going to be competitive. But in my head I hear that voice saying, "do it tomorrow." God, this is hard and ego-crushing. I left a career (okay, so I didn't like it) to be in school and get rejected on nearly a daily basis. Newest development, I can get rejected from a job in less than 24 hours. In the span of 3 days, I get turned down from multiple jobs.

I watch these folks just out of undergrad getting jobs and all I can ask is why? And I haven't screwed up an interview...I don't get interviews.

This whole experience is killing me. I sound like this is so poor me. But, good lord, I am having a problem with this whole keeping a positive attitude shit. So I am in a bad mood, but still need to do the right thing and study.

Suck grades...Oh how that hurt.

Well, after thinking that I could easily handle law school, I come to learn I was very wrong. In fact, I was incredibly WRONG. And everyone that said scientists seem to have the hardest time their first year was RIGHT.

And for some bizarre reason, this isn't the end of the world. Oh, I cried like a baby for about an hour. Read through biotech job advertisements. But I came out of it, just like that.

First hour:
Scared I had made a huge mistake and screwed everything up.
Terrified that I had disappointed my DH (he moved here with me for this).
Terrified that I had put us in a horrible position, me with bad grades and no job prospects.
Crushed that so many people seemed to get it and I couldn't
Angry that I was even doing this and angry at professors and the school and anyone else
Ultimately, angry with myself for not doing better, trying harder, studying longer, etc.

Second hour: Coming out of that. Just kind of emerging. Then smiling and realizing that bad grades were not going to kill me. So what if I couldn't clerk for the Supreme Court now. I'm 40, I want a job in this area with good benefits. I want a challenging career where I can make a good salary. I did want big law, but even that is not impossible.

Third hour: Having dinner with a few people, including a judge and having the judge say "Don't quit." Having the other two people talk about law and why we are here. Just getting into the whole idea of being here for something more than grades.

Past two days. Being happy to be involved in this. Realizing that there are a lot of people who are going to do better than I am or be smarter than I am or take tests better than I do. Being more motivated than I have felt in weeks. And just not caring about grades.

This is one of those epiphanies. I can finally be happy for others. I can be happy with myself. And I can learn from my mistakes.

Now, who the hell stole my brain and replaced it with Polly Sunshine?

Still having some motivation problems

But I am going to alter my attitude. Instead of bitching about law school, I am going to spend the next 8 weeks smiling and loving being here. I know it's difficult and it's fun to rant about all of the things that are wrong with it. But I think all of this bitching has gone bone deep for me.

Also, I am going to try to keep forefront in my mind the reasons I am here. (1) I grew to really dislike my previous job and (2) I wanted a new challenge that carried more benefits. And a small part of my decision, to allow my DH time to write.

So, if you see someone in the halls smiling widely and talking about the joys of law school, please don't hit me.

Law School Motivation

Why is second semester so much less energizing than first semester? I am barely motivated to read the cases.

And Criminal Law is not criminal statutes. I wish I was one of those that liked theory. I understand it and can speak the lingo. But lord, for some reason, I find it boooorrrrrinnngg. Which is a shame as my crim law professor is a super star.

Noticed this a month ago

So I am starting to look around at the different law firms and noticed something. There are no fat first-year associates. This has frightened me somewhat as I am obese. I know that people like me. I know that I am smart. But I also know that people unconsciously judge. Knowing that, I am starting a new program. It's a medically supervised liquid diet. But it's not just a liquid diet. I spend 12 weeks on a liquid diet, 6 weeks transition to real food, and then 52 weeks (yes, an entire year) of slow loss to reach a final goal and then maintenance.

Am I doing this just for the job search? Hell no. I want to bend over and not lose my breath. I want to walk up stairs without wanting to die. Do I have to go on a liquid diet? Nope. But I want to do it this way for a number of reasons, not the least of which is I am motivated by results. Plus there are at least 2 very good scientific studies that show that people that complete the entire program have a much better chance to keep off the weight (58% maintained their weight loss at the 5 year mark).

Anywhoo, I quit smoking, I changed careers at 40, I went into science when people said I couldn't handle it, etc. I can do this.